I am a left-handed dyslexic who escaped an expensive education with a remarkable grade point average (more “red lantern” than “valedictorian”; a lead sinker to the colorful bobbers floating at the top). I love to write. If there’s a ə (schwa-sound) in a word I spell it wrong. Worse, my father held to old style British or prior century spellings of everyday words (get the f’ing “u” out of there). Which was made harder because I had to attend French classes in grade school and both parents used Puerto Rican Spanish as their “adult-only” language. We were no bilingual family, just an American family where people would yell shut-the-door in Spanish and call someone a “pig” in Yiddish while spelling stuff wrong everywhere.

Storytelling? We were experts and loud. But my left hand dragged over my letters. I’d yawn and squirt spray on my paper making the smuggies

worse. I’d obfuscate every ə sound (Oh, honey just sound it out – my mothah said with her Bahstin accent). Who can really agree on color/colour/coleur/wtf-er.

“Hey Ma, how do I spell ‘stoffice’?”

“Sound it out or look it up.”

When I did get her full attention, by asking about the place down the village called the “po stoffice”. I proudly announced I had the “po” worked out. Mom attended Wellesley College and my father Harvard and I’m asking after “stoffice” while struggling to remember my time-tables to 12.

I know I need help and have hired professional editors for twenty years. Some so good, I can’t afford them anymore (I get birthday greetings and discount offers I also can’t afford).

Every writer out there has their own story. Everyone one of us spans skillsets: here a strength; there a weakness; there a blind spot. I don’t write alone.

Do you write alone? Entirely alone?

Do you use AI to help solve a linguistic challenge? Where to you place the hand rails around your work to keep you safe?

I do NOT use generative AI and I will not use it. I despise the conspiracy of theft (ahh… different article).

I want people to know that I work with people. Instead of ranting against AI, praise the human team you built (build).

Let your book, your short stories, your poems have a credits page. If you didn’t use AI and your work is this polished, this professional, let folks know your recipe. As the math teacher once said: “show your work.”

This I got short-listed on a short story contest. When asked to unmask author and run through a quick edit. SarahBelle did a quick white-glove edit and I quietly added her name on the cover page after she finished. Because it is fair. I hear the other argument. I’ve been a tech and ghost writer. When paid well for work, I have yielded ownership. This ain’t that. When SB gets her first novel going, she’ll have a few verifiable credits to her name. I get a greater sense that my creative spelling and inventive punctuation won’t distract from my storytelling. Cuz, it is the story that matters. The story cleaves from us.

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What I’ve enjoyed about Substack comes from some of the honesty and spontaneity I witness. Give me that quick morning sketch, that lovely painting, those tender poetic words, and “ads” for articles that I may enjoy (“Oh, look honey flu season is over”). I want more great short stories. The struggle may be a story. Sure, I wished y’all’d read and love my stories and comment on them and buy all of my novels. That’s the shared vision, right. Substitute “novel” for “paintings” or “interviews” or whatever flavor of juice you prefer.

Someone’s article strongly suggested that I pop off to a separate site and allow that to schedule my content for me. The article came with a recipe for how to increase one’s followers: provoke, praise, parade, personality, persevere, proscribe (damn, that’s better than the original list due to my alliteration. I ought to trademark that nonsense). I jumped over to this a vendor’s site, following the guidance of a shill. I bristled at two things: first, the promotion of AI tools to write ‘Stack notes; second, the cost. That’s “No” times two.

Why would a writer who loves to write relegate the sincere job to the artificial? I like the craft I’ve invested in for decades. Kill generative AI. Oopsy sorry national government. I understand that you are now trying to create a special set of rights for AI. I’ll return to that below. I don’t want AI writing my notes, articles, stories. I don’t wanna read that slop.

Part of the shill’s effort suggests that posting more notes was better for me, for my brand, for the growth of my subscribers. In contrast, I have hated social media since the git. In 2008 after returning from a year in Iraq, I hopped on Facebook at the insistence of a client and with the hope I’d keep in contact with folks from “over-there.” Within 6 months, I learned I hated FB and that FB was the worst way of keeping in touch with people who spend their lives not sharing private information publicly. A decade ago, I gave the little bird a go then flitted away. But when promoting a product, we (company) went all in with modern social media techniques for manipulating and messaging our marketing message. We planned, shaped, draft, then scheduled our microblogs. We paid someone young to reply and engage. Basically a fail. Might have been bad timing to attempt launching anything along side a national election. The signal-to-noise ratio prohibited engagement.

This recent week I then decided to draft a few notes. No AI. Just kinda looked around my office, my life, and such, wrote snippets that provoked, showed my personality, praised, and paraded my own work. I then took 20 minutes to use the scheduler feature on ’Stack.

Between Friday and Monday, I observed a difference on my Substack. I was the only one adding “notifications” to my activity list (little bell, upper right corner). I think we have crude phrase for this concept of stimulating one’s own self. It was a weekend with millions of folks outside. Spring sneaking in, even here where I can see the first greens of a daffodil below a western window. Instead of notifications from others, I got them from me and only me.

In contrast, I often read Substack during Jeopardy! ads and while nibbling my lunch. Sometimes, I read a bit during my evening ablutions and before turning on an audiobook in the dark. I heart some human-generated art. My hope is that I find a story that pulls me in for a nice 30 minute intense read. That’s gold. No scrolling, deep read! Instead, I scroll a bit, then give up hoping for more later.

New observation since January 2026: If a name pops often in my ‘Stack feed I give it less credence. If I recognize a name instantly in my feed (and I am not subscribed), I’ve learned to filter it just as I do with ads in NYT and websites. My internal signal-to-noise processor says: noise based on the frequency of your posts.

Positive Effects of Scheduling

I always schedule my short stories to publish using the article scheduler. I strive to publish monthly and lean towards the opening of the month (April won’t happen because I did 2 in March of 2026). My short stories go to 9.8K subscribers and for the most part I have professional (not personal) email addresses. This impacts my planning. Furthermore, I always record my short stories as an audio post (aka podcast “Trowbridge Dispatch”). I can only provide the permanent link for my audio in the written post if I previously publish the audio. Therefore, my audio goes out immediately with no notification email. Then with the link at hand, I paste that to the top of the short story then schedule for an early morning weekday release. For my efforts, I tend to get between 30% - 40% open rates.

My personal rules with my mailing list:

• Respect my mailing list/subscribers, they are great people;

• Never touch my mailing list except once per month with sincere and entertaining content;

• Never shill shit except my own novels.

My list grows slowly, but steadily.

Until March 2026, I never scheduled a “note.” Scheduling “notes” generated the opposite effect.

Negative Effects of Scheduling

Scheduled notes feel scheduled. I’d previously observed this with my own filtering of signal-to-noise. I often sensed that some used tools to make sure they were in my feed several times per day. Ugh.

My notes feed in ‘Stack is not overwhelming. I can easily roll back about a week, in other words, I am able to remain current within the delusional algorithm that ‘Stack has for me.

<tangent alert> I wish for more variety. And boy, I wish Substack’s search process was worth a damn. Like a game show host, I want to yell “Show me short stories” and have a pile appear. I’d love to yell: “Show me lyrical poetry” then scour that for a good read. “Show me stunning charcoal, pen-n-ink, or pencil sketches of humans.” I don’t want porn, I want beauty. Can you imagine a user interface that was as efficient as on-line shopping. Select short stories, select language, select duration, add/substract options as easily as picking sizes and colors.</end tangent>

I easily roll through current postings. As I do, I dismiss frequent flyers for being frequent flyers.

I’m guessing that in our third-plus decade of retail internet content, other humans do as I do. We seek the sincere and eschew the nonsense. We filter frequent flyers, ads, and crap that demands our attention.

Negative 1

Scheduling notes to keep your content in my feed trains me (and other readers) to ignore you, even mute you because you are sitting behind a tool pushing content while not participating. You ain’t here. Why listen? Why engage?

Negative 2

I have used the at-sign and other techniques to pull in some frequent flyers. They are not engaging. It’s like talking to a billboard on the side of a highway. <tangent> Vermont outlawed roadside billboards long ago. Love!</end tangent> I’ve got this problem with spousal human: mouth open, ears no work. It feels the same with scheduled notes.

Scheduling notes means you are not on the platform. Scheduled notes can’t listen. Scheduled notes can’t engage.

Negative 3

We all recognize algorithms. Algorithms are naught but a pattern of repeated behavior. This is an algorithm: “provoke, praise, parade, personality, persevere, proscribe.”

Algorithms are not very human. We see it in machines and in people. I de-tune it. I expect others do too.

Be human.

My Plan

I will plan (not schedule) a note to occasionally promote short stories I have out there because “articles” are not well promoted in Substack.

Other than that I will make posts when:

• It feels right;

• I have something interesting to say;

• I wish to promote one of my “free thinking” rants.

Why should I treat “notes” like Twitter then I treat “articles” like curated publications? I trust, respect, and honor my subscriber’s time, yet I opt to poop on notes readers. Nah, the asymmetry upsets my sense of justices.

I may advocate for better mechanism to find articles that bring me joy, make me think, make me laugh, make me see stuff in new ways. Let’s be honest, we’re scrolling notes while looking for real content, because the real content isn’t reliably searchable. The worse Google search gets, the more this lost-content issue will happen.

<tangent>I recently asked Google about the author “I.M. Aiken” (me). Google’s answer-bot informed me last month that I am a “southern writer,” a surprise to me given I have never lived south of I-90. It now identifies me as a New England writer (100% accurate). But I can not get Google to list all of my short stories on Substack. One will appear if I key in the title into the search bar. Kinda sucks. Google appears to be ignoring its role as a search engine in order to be an “answer engine” driven by artificial intelligence. The old search algorithm involved a bit too much pay-to-play to be honest and fair. The modern approach is worse.</end tangent>

In summary, if I schedule notes and you schedule notes and they schedule notes, then we’re no better off than those silly lawyers all using AI to generate erroneous briefs with fictional references. I mean come on. I did not use artificial intelligence to generate notes, yet, I did create my own “algorithm” then set a tool to post notes.

I’ll not apologize for my experiment. I just won’t do it again because I hated FB and I hated Twitter and I still hate Instagram. I’d offer hate to Tiktok and “X” except I’ve never step into those worlds likely knowing the outcome.

If we all do what this shill and others recommend, then we’ve removed humanity from the process.

<tangent>

Proposed Rights for AI

We honestly have people in the 2026 U.S. government striving to reduce the rights of human Americans: arrests and killings by secret police; on-going efforts to violate the separation of church and state thus encode one religion’s moral views as U.S. law; active efforts to remove human Americans from voting roles; detaining humans without charge or mechanisms for redress (as required by the U.S. Constitution).

Meanwhile, this same government strives to ensure that states and local governments can not curtail the advance of artificial intelligence. AI, as a tech, may get protection that no other industry ever had, including guns.

If successful, AI gets more rights than those detailed in the U.S. Constitution for carbon-based life forms.

Hmmm?

</end tangent>

I.M. Aiken, Author & narrator

• “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” (2024)

• “Stolen Mountain” (2025)

• “Trowbridge Dispatch” - fictional short stories/podcast

• “Captain Henry: 2½ Insurrections, 2 Wars, 1¼ Centuries, and a story of Love” (2026)

follow along at:

• TrowbridgeDispatch.IamAiken.com

• IamAiken.org

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Part 1 – Equipment and Tech

Part 2 – Quick Guide to Reaper

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1. Setup

You’ll need a “studio”. It sure can be a soundproof booth. I work in my cluttered office but I’ve made efforts to soften hard surfaces: a bookcase on the rear wall, a 3-sided bay window, and my primary monitor is curved. I have pads on my desktop. No perfect, but good enough.

I need:

1. A chair I can sit in for an hour that doesn’t squeak, tick, click, or annoy me during edits. I sit in a hard-bottomed/hard-backed maple kitchen chair. I sometimes use a 5-wheeled padded stool. One is hard on on my ass, the other is tough on my back.

2. See and scroll my script (manuscript) in a size my eyes can see. I zoom and set full screen.

3. See and click on my Reaper screen.

4. Access to my mic so I can place it on the left-edge of my lips and part of my cheek.

I’ve gone through about a half-dozen configurations in 3 years. Still tuning.

I do have this massive monitor which I put script on left (mic is on left) and Reaper on right. I have 4 monitors on this computer, so I also put Firefox in one and my Proton Email in another.

2. Prep

Warm Up

Warm up your voice. You are about to perform for an hour. Sing scales. Talk loudly. Sing a song. Walk and let your body you’re doin’ this.

Avoid foods/drinks that cause mucus or dryness. Cranberry juice is mildly astringent, but cleansing for me. No milk or cream for me. Be hydrated and relieve your bladder before starting.

Clean Up

Clean your nose (yes, you just read that). Clear boogers, give it a good blow. Every breath sound shows on the tape.

Clear your mouth – no food residuals, fresh water, etc. You really do not want a clicking noise when you open your pie hole to talk to the mic.

Wear soft clothing and soft shoes (or barefoot). Belts, purses, jewelry, even rings can create sound. Empty pockets. Get comfortable.

Be Fresh

I am an early morning person. I can make a few fixies after lunch, but for me to tackle a full chapter after lunch or late in the day, is tough. I need my best energy for the performance. Know your own energy cycles and match them.

That said, I recorded “Stolen Mountain” with cough drops all over my desk and one stuck between the cheek and gum. But jeez, every time the cough drop hit my teeth, I had to cut that from the tape or re-record. I learned to break them. Take a small amount at breaks.

I recorded “Captain Henry: 2½ Insurrections, 2 Wars, 1¼ Centuries, and a Story of Love” with two broken wrists. I had had 2 surguries to reconstruct them and have internal fixaters installed under my skin. I was dealing with TBI issues. I was tough. I’ve had to re-do about five of 21 chapters.

Plan a Limited Scope

I can do 1 chapter on most days. My chapters range from 2000-5000 words. I try not to write chapter longer than 5000 words, given the effort it takes to record them. Plan small, start small until you find your endurance.

I record in 1 sitting. I then edit in the afternoon or a different sitting.

For me, I record, then edit in close proximity. Why? Because if I have to make fixies, I need the same environment, same voice, same, same, same; else the tape will tell me. My voice can change a small amount day to day.

Record in the Same…

Your mic will pick up the sound/dimensions of the room. Your voice changes based on posture. You need your voice to be pretty consistent for 10hrs or what ever the length of your novel is.

• Be in the same room

• Be on the same mic

• Use the same settings on your amp and DAW

• Be in the same chair

• Put the mic in the same place, every time

Be Familiar with the Words

I know, you wrote it, how could you not know it? It happens. You do need to practice before hitting the mic. Read it aloud to yourself.

You are performing a script for an audience. Know your inflections. Have a plan for characters. I have a bit of range so with male characters, I go a bit deeper. For one, I’ll have a Elvis growl. For another, I have a breathier sound. My main character, Brighid talks faster and breaks the 4^th wall all the time. I use my natural voice, but a bit faster and I am bouncier.

A practice run will save you from stumbling over awkward phrases.

Mute Everything

Kills Teams. Kill Outlook. Kill notifications. Mute your mobile phone(s). Turn off radios. Tell people that you are recording. You can not simply mute your computer because you need to hear the recording, so you do need to control the other stuff manually.

3. Recording Techniques

Lift 1 Side of Headset

There is often a delay between mic and headset that costs about 1-5 milliseconds as the digital sound goes from mic through wires to amp to computer back to amp then to monitor (headset). Yeah, sure speed-of-light [C] is a constant and wicked fast. But, the processing is the delay. If you lift one ear cup, typically the one opposite your mic, this delay is less annoying. Your brain blends the “wet” and “dry” sounds (you speaking and you hearing after computer).

Yup, a real technique. It also aids in not thinking you sound “odd”.

Volume Control

You will have to learn to start a sentence without “attack”. Most of us when starting a phrase, start loud then taper down. We are softer in the middle of a paragraph than the opening words. That extra silence and slight attack tells the listener that we’re on a new graph. That’s good.

When restarting in a graph, you must learn to match the “mid-graph” volume. There are editing techniques in Reaper where you can isolate a loud bit and reduce the volume. It takes time, also the attack can still sometimes be heard.

Trick 1

Learn to do it. Teach yourself and practice (yeah, hard work)

Trick 2

Start 1 or 2 sentences back, then roll forward to the bit you are re-recording. Then cut only that target bit and discard the louder attack at the open.

When I learned to walk on a stage as a kid, I was taught to start about 5 steps back on the wings. Your first step is always BIG. You want to walk on stage as your normal pacing. You need that technique here too.

Breathe Quietly, then Breathe Big

I can do quiet breathing for a page or so. Then I just need a little break. I don’t turn off the recording. I lean away from the mic (1-2 feet/ 0.5m) and breathe with big belly breaths. I might cough or give the schnoozle a honk. I’ll cut it later.

Lean back, put the mic on your cheek and start with a fresh paragraph.

Mistakes

You will make mistakes. Be dispassionate about them. You can not react with emotion. No throwing of proverbial tennis rackets or slamming piano lid. You need to remain at the same level emotional state before, during, and after a mistake. You’ll fix it. But tough to fix the emotional nonsense. You’ll find yourself re-recording a whole page. Get blasé about it. Find the “ho-hum” of it all. Be zen.

BEEP BEEP

I make mistakes. You will make mistakes. Stop. Breathe. Then make an obnoxious “beep beep” or “boop boop” or “meep meep” loudly-ish into your mic. Some folks use a dog training clicker. I do not because I only have 2 hands. My right hand is on my keyboard for start/stop on my DAW (asterisk to start/space bar to stop – I may have set a short cut for the “*”). My left hand is on a mouse so I can scroll my script as I read.

You are putting a visual mark on your tape that you can rapidly find and fix. See image below.

Don’t Push/Don’t Rush

The friggin’ mic picks it all up. If you rush, you’ll hear it. Just stop. Breathe and take it again.

If you need to pee or poop, just stop. It won’t go away by sitting at the mic.

If you get tangled in a sentence or awkward phrasing, just stop. Keep the tape going, lean away, fix the words, then record it. You’ll hear the keystrokes on the tape. Just cut them later.

Emotions

My own writing can make me cry and make me laugh. I feels odd to laugh out loud at your own words. I call it good. I can hear me smile on tape. But I should not laugh.

With respect to crying, yes, I do that at my own work as well. Finishing the last chapter of “Captain Henry”, I hear myself at the edge of tears. I did have a few tough minutes. I leaned away from the mic, let the feeling hit, breathed, centered, then leaned back. I still wanted that froggy thickness in my voice. I didn’t cough or “walk it off”. I need to be in the same emotional state to finish the chapter with consistency. It is a balance. As a performer, I want to reader to get that clue from my voice, but I can’t afford to ham it up or go to a fully choked up posture. I need to teeter on that fine edge; just enough to hear it, not enough to mask the story telling.

Match your cadence to the story. If you hit a laugh line, let the reader hear it and give them a natural second to giggle on their end. They can’t hear you if they are laughing. They are there. If you were on stage, you’d know when to restart. You don’t want them to know you paused for the laugh-track, but you don’t want your next phrase to be lost either.

4. Editing

I take a full and proper break between recording and editing, but I do follow through on the same day in case I have to re-record after a flub. I need my fixies to sound the same as the original work.

I start at the top of the chapter read and listen at the same time.

Headset/Monitor On Both Ears

Unlike recording, put the over-the-ear headset over both years. You want to hear 100% of everything on the tape. You want to discriminate between sounds on the tape and ambient/background sounds. Let the “cans” do their work.

You are listening for natural sounds on the tape:

• Mouth ticks

• Nose whistles

• The 2 ravens outside the window

• The chair squeak.

You do (kinda) want the words on the page to match the words you speak. I never get this right. I am dyslexic. I miss. I’ve been told this is a BIG DEAL so I now appologize at the top. Some people listen to books while holding a printed or digital copy.

I strive to be darn close. You can control this. If you hear a word missing, you’ll likely have to re-record the sentence or whole graph.

Beep-Beep

The purpose of the “Beep Beep” is that it makes 2 tall spikes on the audio. I often have a bit of space near by. This tells me that I flubbed up and I am heading into a fix. I make a slice (cut, short cut key “s”) just after (right side) the 2 tall spikes.

Just after the 2 tall spikes, I restarted. I have learned that I ought to start at the top of a sentence and occasionally, the top of the paragraph. I can rarely catch just after a comma, semi, m-dash, but that’s hard to match the cadence.

Rookie Approach

Listen to the oopsy, roll right to and through the Beep-Beep, identify where you restarted. Then go back with the player head and find that on the left. Mark it with a “marker” or just slice with with a “s” in the flat space before the oopsy. With cuts on both sides, click that isolated “item” and hit delete on the keyboard. With Ripple On, it will self-heal. I sometimes slide a bit right to add a natural sounding space between the phases.

Advanced Approach

With a few years of looking at my own voice’s wave forms, I see patterns and words. I can sometimes identify the beginning of the oopsy by recognizing the wave form after the “beep beep”. If I’m really kickin’ it, I sometimes do this on the right of the player head and before I hear it.

There are RISKS.

A few control-z (undo) will get you back.

As you listen, it should be seamless.

The Solution for All

The answer to bad audio is to re-record. I redid Chapter 16 of Captain Henry because the copy edits and the original work drifted too far apart. I can sometimes find a moved sentence/graph and make the tape match the manuscript. The audiobook doesn’t care about spelling mistakes, punctuation, and such. And I tolerate the slight misalignment.

I redid Chapter 18 of Captain Henry. It was a horrible chapter that my editor and I tossed. I re-wrote it. But when I recorded it, everything sounded different. It was tinny. The sound was softer in a bad way. Garbage. I make sure all was same-same-same, and read it again. Now it is seamless. Glad I did it.

5. Listen Again

You do need to listen to the entire book again. I don’t have a brilliant way of solving this problem. My trick is that I load it to a professional podcast host (transistor.fm) as a private podcast. Only people with the link can listen. Then I can listen on my phone. I can also recruit beta listeners to participate. I love my peeps (family/friends) but they kinda suck at giving me feedback. Still waiting on ye olde spouse to finish Captain Henry.

What are you listening for on this go?

1. Consistency between chapters: tone, volume levels, sound quality

2. Chapters are in order, story telling sounds correct

3. That “beep beep” you missed, or the sentence you re-read without the “beep beep”

It is story-telling errors, continuity and consistency you are listening for. Your done with background noises, ticks, snot, and the little stuff.

If you do get someone to listen to your work, you want feedback about errors. You need to ask for chapter number, and minutes in (visible on a podcast). Also what was said. You can not search audio based on a text search in Reaper. You can click to a chapter and timestamp.

6. Closing Comments

This is a professional job. People win Tony and other awards for their performances. Your performance will land on a spectrum between “Tony Award” and dead-flat-stupid AI voice. With each effort, you will improve. Be patient with yourself.

One day 1, AI may be slightly better than you, but I’d rather listen to a human. I turn off AI narrations where I find them including YouTube and such. Although with 2 broken wrists, I did let the New York Time dreadful AI voice read me articles when I laid up.

Your skills will improve with training and practice.

Do this primarily because you want to. Do it because you believe that your performance as an author will be better than another’s approach.

I am presently listening to Louise Erdrich read her “The Night Watchman” to me. It is great and better than a “paid” performer given her connections to the culture, lands, and material in her novel.

I remember listening to Barbara Kingsolver’s sister read “Prodigal Summer” to me. I appreciated that southern Appalachian twang in her voice. I also LOVED the producers decision to include native bird songs in transitions with sections.

I recently listened to Saskia Maarlevald read Kate Quinn’s “The Astral Library”. I love Saskia’s readings. But as a native of Boston, I wanted to climb through the internet to coach her on local pronunciations of neighborhoods and landmarks. It instantly told me she (Saskia) had never been taught how to say some of our odd stuff here. Just a 10 minute primer would have help me remember I was in Boston while listening. We do weird stuff with words here: Worchester is: “wh-stah”; Gloucester is “glah-stah”.

Watch your own writing change

I’ve written 4 novels since 2020 (recorded 3, the 2028 novel sits waiting). I’ve written and recorded over 20 of my short stories. My writing has changed due to my reading of my work to tape.

1. If I can’t say it comfortably, I won’t write it.

2. I write sentences that let me breathe.

3. I use words I can say; which often lands me deep in Anglo-Saxon/Old English rooted words.

4. Progressively I see myself writing more with a preacher’s patter or Winston Churchill-like style. I let the sound and rhythm of the spoken word help deliver the story.

5. I’ve learned to avoid sounds and word combinations that cause me to trip or stumble in my speaking.

Honestly, I think more about the audio performance than the look on a page.

Added Lessons About Audio Story Telling

People listen to me while doing other things: exercising, cleaning, driving, walking in nature, relaxing before sleep in the dark. I am primary-ish in their brain as their body does something autonomously. But people get distracted when listening in a way that doesn’t happen with print. With print you look up a graph or flip a page back. People don’t like hitting the 30-sec back button.

I am noting an influence of this in my writing.

1. I never bury a major plot turn or scene change without support. I hate blinking away then sensing I am in a new place or something major happened and I lost only 10 seconds.

2. I add silent space to help people understand transitions. Instead of an asterisk or extra-carriage returns, I add a silent pause.

3. I don’t mind a little repetition in my narration. My editor has said, “You just said that five pages ago.” In audio, that can be a day ago, or minutes ago.

4. I endeavor to make sure that context exists or easily inferred quickly within a page.

There was a book I listened to last week where the author jump POV repeatedly within chapters. The narrator didn’t adjust voices. I kept going “where the f am I”. I’d roll back and back and back to find that transition. Ugh.

I was also listening to an older Bernard Cornwall book this month and the chapters all seem to be 50-58 minutes long. I started wondering if the long pauses within the audio “chapters” were in fact the printed books chapters, but unnumbered and untitled. The producer made sure that audio files were less than 60 minutes. So Annoying!

As such, my chapter structures match how I want to listen. No big scene changes, no POV changes, about 20-40 minutes, each chapter has an open, middle and close.

I.M. Aiken,Author & narrator

• “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” (2024)

• “Stolen Mountain” (2025)

• “Trowbridge Dispatch” - fictional short stories/podcast

• “Captain Henry: 2½ Insurrections, 2 Wars, 1¼ Centuries, and a story of Love” (2026)

follow along at

• TrowbridgeDispatch.IamAiken.com

• IamAiken.org

Subscribe now

Leave a comment

Yes, it is work.

I am performing for a boring blue wall and a 48” wide curving monitor. I kinda hafta remember I am performing and think about reaching out to the audience with my voice, keep then engage and use enough dynamics in my voice to guide the listener.

This follow-up article is primarily about Reaper as a Digital Audio Workstation (DAW) but will cross over to performance/reading techniques that aid my future editing of the work.

Note

There is something odd about Substack in that when drafting articles, I hit size limits with too many images because there is a max for sending as an email. I will try to ignore that, but if you get the first draft of this, do try to return to the on-line version for updated images. I expect most will use this as an on-line guide vs using some email reader as a reference document.

No Affiliations

I am writing this following requests for fellow authors. I do not draw any financial reward, commissions, affiliate credit for tech referenced. Just sharin’.

Assumption

I am making an assumption that you have some basic skills with editing audio and/or video. If not, don’t start here. Head over to the University of YouTube for basics. Use this to refine the effort for an author narrating a book.

Order of Operations

Fellow authors, please understand that your final configuration will be different than mine. While my presentation will be linear, your workflow and tweaking of the system will not be. Your voice is difference, your equipment is different, your environment is different. The path from crappy to good-enough is not linear. Be patient with yourself (and me).

Initial Setup

When entering Reaper for the first time, or starting a new project without a project template, the software assumes you are a musician; the default mic is wrong; and more. Once you get this right then save your own “project template.” I wish my were better, but I keep improving it with each new go.

Options > Preferences (Ctrl-P on Windows)

General

Paths: Set this up for your own system. Put this work in a folder you find easily and if you have a cloud or off-site secure storage (I use Proton Drive) then use a folder there.

Device

Select your audio system. With my Shure SM7B mic & Volt1 amp, my setup looks thus:

Audio System: WASAPI

Mode: Shared

Input: INPUT (Volt 1) my mic

Output: Monitor L/R (Volt 1) my over-the-ears Sony MDR 7506

Time Signature/Time Line

Right click on the horizontal region that includes the time signature. There is a lot of juice hidden in the unmarked regions above the waveform. For this, right click on the ruler-like entity. It is likely in “measures.beats”. Narration is done in minutes:seconds. Use the menu to select minutes:seconds.

Takes

Reaper, by defaults, wants to preserve every utterance. It will create new “takes” on a whim. I find them annoying and they generate clutter. Yuck.

Menu > Options > Overlapping Recording Behavior

Select both:

• Do not add lanes

• Trim Existing Items (tape mode)

Tracks

Audiobooks have 1 track (generally, given I don’t love music in the middle of a narration). If your audio meter isn’t dancing as your mic picks up sounds, delete the track and open new. It should default to the correct mic/device.

Spectral Display

With a sample track up, right click on the track, then in the menu find “spectral edits > always show spectrogram”.

This is pretty geeky and real audio engineers could tell you all the cool stuff this does. I turn it on. Over the years, I have intuited some features. For one, the bright yellow stuff is “hot” (loud). I can see plosives and such in this. There are techniques for erasing some of this stuff. I can occasionally nibble down a plosive using this.

Ripple Editing

Ripple edit allow you to insert and delete in a manner you expect and can control. It inserts (instead of overwrite) and when you delete, it maintains spacing all the way down the track. With a 10-hour novel, order matters. Use Ripple Edit.

There is a grid of 9 squares. It is a 3 position switch:

1) No ripple edit (don’t use - generally)

2) Ripple Edit in Track (preferred)

3) Ripple Edit in Grid (alternate)

Select either 2 or 3 (see the graphic).

There are a few specific times near the end of a project I turn off Ripple.

Advanced Ripple Edit Topic

I’ve just finished a 10-hr novel with 26 “chapters” or regions. I re-recorded 2 chapters in the recent 2 days. I grouped all the small “items” within my chapter/region and on my one-and-only track (ctrl-click on items, then ctrl-g for group) This means that my chapter/region is 1 item, no splits, no gaps.

I jumped to the end of the track (“end” button), started a recording for the re-do. I edit it in place at the end. I group it after my edits. Now my new chapter is 1 item. My old chapter is 1 item. Both are marked with “region” markers (see below). I wiggle in just at the opening of the crappy version, with ripple on, I skooch it right giving me a tiny space to insert the entire new version chapter with my paste feature. Now I have 2 copies of the chapter. I zoom out (mouse wheel), move right, find the old (bad) one and delete it.

Occasionally, funny artifacts appear in the blank spaces between chapters/regions. I turn RIPPLE OFF and neatly use my “S” key to slice and delete so that my inter-chapter spaces are completely empty. If I have Ripple On, I seem to cause more problems and waste effort.

FX (Effects)

FX is the primary time saver in Reaper. I no longer have to remove my breath sounds and other tiny ticks and such. You will save yourself time if you learn to open your mouth without making a tick/click or other sound. Sometimes saliva does a thing. You’ll also want to inhale quietly through your nose. Booger and snot-free nostrils make editing better. Blow the schnooz and get it clean.

I strongly recommend using VST:ReaGate (Cockos).

On your track, click the FX button. You’ll get a list of all plugins. The one you want comes with. Reaper is amazing with plugin. Ignore all except VST:ReaGate (Cockos). There is a search feature.

Per ACX rules, the “floor” audio should be above -40db. In the image, I set my lower level at -30db. This is above the volume level of my now-trained quiet breathes.

The image shows you my setup. I still need to make an adjustment. It occasionally/rarely drops an “s” at the end of a sentence. My voice soften as the end of a sentence (more likely a paragraph). The volume of the “s” sound is below the -30db threshold. I need to fuss at Hold and Release a bit.

What is very cool about this is that you can play your book with the ReaGate working. Before adding levels you can play a second and see how it looks with the dancing green bars.

Here’s How

In the region with the timeline or the region immediately below, click and drag through a small section of audio. Click the “repeat” button (between play and stop, look like a circle with arrows). The with your “tape head” inside the region, hit play.

If you want to set your minimum threshold above the standard breath, select a small region with only the breath sound, put on repeat, press play, then adjust the floor knob. If it is too high, you’ll cut soft letters. If too low, you’ll be cutting breaths from the tape by hand.

The other knobs are a bit of a guess. YouTube from professionals will help. I am at good-enough with the settings shown below.

In Adobe Audition I spent a huge amount of time either cutting breath sounds or isolating them and adjusting their volume down. I’ve halved my editing efforts.

Project Templates

With basic settings at “good enough” create and save a project template for yourself. When you open Reaper, it will open to your last project. In general, it assumes you are continuing work.

To start a new project, close all, then File > Open Project Templates and select yours. You’ll be pretty well set. If you also set your Render features, these will remain with the project template (See 1^st article and ACX standards).

Chapter/Sections & Reaper Regions

In Reaper, Regions are chapter. A “chapter” is a section of a book that may include:

• Intro (required)

• Dedication/Author notes

• Chapters

• Section Breaks (“book 2” or “part 3”)

• End notes

• Outro (required)

When rendering, each Region becomes its own audio file with its own meta data. The file will be named based on your setup (typically $project_$regionname). I therefore, put numbers at the front of my chapter names (01, 02) so that these sort alphabetically. Use a zero to the left of single digits, else chapter 11 follows chapter 1. It would look like 1, 11, 12, 13, 14, 2, 3 (alphabetizing numbers is odd). With the zero, you get 01, 02, etc).

Project Render Metadata

It maybe possible that these data get expunged as the files go through distribution. I do it regardless and I do it to improve rendering. This feature is under the file menu.

This list is

1. Overwhelmingly long

2. Designed for every type of user

I make sure I complete the following:

1. General | Title (see note below)

2. General | Description (for subtitle)

3. Artist | Artist (author)

4. Artist | Performer (me, author)

5. Musical | Genre – audio book

6. License | Copyright Message – I have an LLC for this

7. License | Copyright holder -

8. Binary – I also upload the final cover as a jpg/png

Note: General Title

There is a wildcard called $project associated with title. Use an appropriate but short title to start. I ignore my long-ass subtitles or even use the common short hand (“Little Ambulance War” instead of “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County”). This “title” will be part of every filename.

Prior to my final render, I will duplicate the entire finished project, leaving the original alone. My publisher distributes through Ingram. Your rules may differ.

Ingram uses a poorly designed convention for audiobook file names:

ISBN_001_MP3.mp3

For the Little Ambulance War it looks like the image below:

9781963511086_001_MP3.mp3

Prior to my final render, I will duplicate the entire finished project, leaving the original alone. In this version, I will change the title to be the ISBN for the audiobook (print, audio, ebook each have their own ISBN, use the correct one).

I will also change the Region names so that they are numeric and sequential.

• “Intro” becomes 001

• “Author’s Note” becomes 002

• “Dedication” (2 pages) becomes 003

• Chapter 1 becomes 004

• etc.

When I render, my output filename is: $project_$regionname_MP3

Why they want MP3 in caps in the filename when the file is an “mp3” with “.mp3” as the file extension is unknown to me. Play by their rules.

This saves hours of effort in renaming which I had to do with Adobe Audition.

I.M. Aiken, Author & narrator

• “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” (2024)

• “Stolen Mountain” (2025)

• “Trowbridge Dispatch” - fictional short stories/podcast

• “Captain Henry: 2½ Insurrections, 2 Wars, 1¼ Centuries, and a story of Love” (2026)

follow along at

• TrowbridgeDispatch.IamAiken.com

• IamAiken.org

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I am many things. For the purpose of this article, I am (1) an author who reads her own novels to tape for audiobooks; (2) a long-time professional technologist. I am not a sound engineer, nor sound editor, nor audiobook publisher. I shall present what I know from the context of my quiet home office in Vermont. Please augment my information with your own research. Head over the YouTube and use additional resources.

I am providing links to B&H in this text. I am not affiliated. I do not get any credit, kickbacks, commissions. I just trust this store and have for decades. Don’t shop on Fridays!

The photos are causing Substack to tell me I hit a max size limit. I may post photos in a revised version.

For

Bill, Jane, and Joe - cuz you asked.

Why Audiobooks?

I read books by listening. Sorry, all. I often use the verb “read” when my eyes are closed and I listen to a book. I do this because I am better understood in public. I consider it reading because 90% of my literary pleasure for my entire life has come through my ears. I have strong memories of listening to E.B. White read me “Charlotte’s Web” on a multi-platter album set on my parent’s hifi as a child. I remember crying while listening my way through “Velveteen Rabbit.” There is an author and long time teacher out there whose voice still dominates my experiences with “Winnie the Pooh.”

I am dyslexic, diagnosed after slogging through schools with poor marks. And for decades, I make my living sitting at a keyboard typing 60-80 words per minute. I HATE holding books up with my hands. I struggle with process of getting through pages comfortably. To cap off this experience, I had an accident in October 2025 which resulted in both wrists being surgically reconstructed.

I spent approximately 200 hours per month in November and December after my accident listening to books.

Why audiobooks? Answer: There is an audience

1. There is an audience of folks struggle with the printed word. To provide an audiobook is a way of saying to folks with vision issues, physical challenges, learning disabilities that you know we are out here wanting great works to enjoy.

2. It is a growing market as folks connect their ear holes to mobile phones and walk/run/exercise.

How to Find Audiobooks?

1. Libby – a library-based audiobook source where readers can access ebooks and audiobooks for free. Authors make money on the initial sale of each “copy.”

2. Libro.fm – a paid service for audiobooks that you (reader) link to your favorite bookstore thus adding to their revenue with each purchase. This is my preferred technique. Each purchase I make funds both artist and local bookstore.

3. Barnes & Nobles – a paid service that has limited pricing options. Not a fav because you feel stuck with 1 title per month. End of.

4. Audible – An Amazon service. My least favorite and the most popular. To be fair, I have 324 title that I have “leased” from Amazon on here. Regrettably, Amazon feels free to remove books or lock books on a whim. I don’t own the books which pisses me off because I paid for them.

It is possible for authors to distribute PDFs with audiobooks or direct readers to a website for supplemental material such as maps, illustrations, literary citations, etc.

Audio on Substack

I accidentally learned through my short story series that audio articles on Substack get distributed to all common podcast sites. Therefore “Trowbridge Dispatch” by “I.M. Aiken” can be found on Spotify, and other sites. To do this, I publish the short stories twice. The audio always goes out first without any fanfare or posting. I snag URL from the audio, then link it in the printed version of the same story. That way the “podcast” version has a series number and an episode number.

Downside of Short Works on Audio

The services above charge the same for books regardless of length. I hate paying $14.99 for a 20 minute short story. I’d rather pay $14.99 for a 30- or a 60-hour long book. With services that limit you to 1 or 2 “books” per month, a 20 minute short leaves half-a-month empty. My decision is distribute short works for free as hooks for the longer works. It would be cool if the audiobook services found a way to help poets and short story writers. I ain’t boss there.

What Does it Take to Record and Produce an Audiobook?

1. A story teller’s voice

2. At least 3x the duration of your book in time (for a 10 hour/100,000 word novel, budget 30 hours of intense work that requires 30 to 60 minute stretches with ZERO interruptions.

3. Some tools & tech

4. Skills with audio editing software

5. Knowledge and understanding of the “rules”

A Story Teller’s Voice

I had a tiny bit of training to sing and to present a few lines on a stage when I was younger. I was NOT good, but the training was. During the early part of my career, I taught computer programming at a community college. Therefore 2 nights/week, I stood before a classroom of 25 adults, most of whom were older than I. Later in my career, I was trained as a public speaker by my employer. This training involved videotapes, coaching, and good tricks for standing in front of audiences. I have spoken to audiences on four continents.

Regardless, I love reading poetry and stories aloud. I don’t do a lot of voices. I do try to differentiate characters a bit. Others do it better. Give me a Saskia Maarlveld story, I am happy. Jim Dale gave us 130 character voices that earned him multiple awards for his audio work with Harry Potter. I muddle along, thank you.

I am the author. I write about local folks. I strive to give something to my characters. Furthermore, I know the story well. I know the emotional buttons I wish to hit (hit you with). I make it a performance. I work dynamics in my voice. I let emotion slip through. In the last chapter of Captain Henry (Catalyst Press, 2026), you’ll hear me at the very edge of crying. You may hear my voice reflect the suppressed laugh. My tone, while I read, is deliberate. I want to keep you engaged.

Tough Work?

I recorded “Stolen Mountain” (Catalyst Press 2025) with a cough that lasted 3 months. I can hear the cough drop I hid between the cheek and my gums.

I recorded “Captain Henry” with two broken wrists. I still had internal fixators under my skin on both forearms/hands.

When tired, I mess up. I am good for one chapter per day. Twenty chapters will take me a month to record.

I have a small typed sticker on my monitor. It reads:

• 5000 words, 37 minutes

• 2000 words, 14 minutes

These values are based on my word read by me. Your experience may differ.

I strive for chapters that are between 2000 and 4000 words. When I cross the 5000 word mark, I get really tired.

I tend to record in the morning, have lunch, then edit in the afternoon, then collapse.

I am performing for that hour that I read.

Yes, it is tough work.

A 3000-word chapter will take me an hour to record well. Oh, you want to tell me I just provided stats equating word-count to duration. A 3000-word chapter takes about 30 minutes to listen too. True. It takes about 45-60 minutes to record. I make mistakes. I read wrong. I inflect wrong. I land on the wrong voice for the speaker. My f’n phone, Teams, email beeps. The house phone rings. I lean away from the mic to breathe and recover. And sometimes, when I can’t read the sentence/graph as I wrote it, I re-write it and give it another go.

I have observed that my writing changes when I know I am to record my own work. I write a script that I can flow through. For me, a native English speaker raised near Boston, I lean heavily on Old English vocabulary. I write to read aloud. When I fail to, I flub the recording then re-write. I keep sentences shorter. I avoid run-ons and complex clauses. I lose cadence. I get out of breath.

Silence

Silence in your studio is required.

What your ears hear, your mic hears. More on this below. I tell spousal human: I am recording. And this mic does not pick up the squeaky floor or the toilet flush from upstairs.

My office chair, comfy and adjustable squeaks. I sit on a 5-legged stool or a wooden kitchen chair with no padding. My ass hurts after an hour’s intense work. One chair squeak picked up on tape during edits often means a re-record of a section. HATE.

I don’t have a soundproof booth in my office. I do have one upstairs and I abandoned it to work and record in my office. I can hear the room a bit. My bay window doesn’t reflect back. The rear wall is all books (sound absorbing). Monitors and messes soften other hard spaces. I seriously wish I hadn’t purchased a glass topped desk. Glass is noisy. I have positioned over-sized neoprene pads on my desk tops (think really big mouse pads).

Your mic selection matters here (later).

Tools and Tech

Terminology

ACX – The audiobook standards for files and parameters. Basically driven by Amazon, even if you don’t publish with Amz, they’re da boss. End of.

DAW - Digital Audio Workstation is the audio editing tool need to morph your mistake ridden, multiple takes crap into something coherent and compliance with required standards.

Dead Cat – A Dead Cat in this industry is a fluffy, fuzzy, soft thing that goes over the mic to reduce wind noise when outdoors. Can help with plosives too.

Gain – This is the microphone’s version of volume. Volume is the relative loudness a sound is projected. Gain is the relative loudness a sound is capture. Higher the gain, the more sensitive it is (flushing toilets a house away).

• Auto-Gain – Auto gain is a feature hidden in a lot of USB mics, and easy-to-use software. Auto-gain will increase the gain if the mic “hears” nothing. It will reach out to find the spinning fan or dog fart in a far room. Do NOT use auto-gain. Turn if off. You’ll hate it.

Monitor – A stupid collision of terms when audio met computers. A monitor, in the audio world, is a headset or a set of speakers. A monitor allows you to monitor the audio. Monitors come in 2 flavors:

• Host monitor – allows you to listen to the sound coming from your computer (hosting your DAW software)

• Direct monitor – allows you to listen to the sound coming from your mic (direct).

There is a few millisecond delay between the two. When recording, I tend to listen to “direct”. When editing, I listen to “host”. Sometimes, I use the wrong setting, but to avoid the wierdness of the tiny delay, I lift one of my ear cups off my ear.

Over-the-Ear (aka “Cans”) – most audio engineers use high quality over-the-ear headsets.

Phantom Power – Some microphones and audio equipment need power to operate. Therefore some amplifiers provide 48volt DC power over the XLR cable. Most good/professional amps allow for this to be toggled easily (as easily as changing a mic).

Discussion

I am looking at six microphones in my office and that does not include the mobile phones (2) on my desk. Nor the fancy-assed digital stereo portable recorder.

When starting this adventure, I also decided to invest in professional-level equipment. You absolutely CAN do this work with a USB-style microphone. And you will need a USB connection in the stack, but let that come later. I opted to go with XLR interfaces (a round interface with 3 pins) for mics. I did this because quality matters.

My mic connects to an amplifier. This is really no different than a kid with a new Fender guitar and an amp. Amp and Mic like peanut butter and jelly. They need to be matched (more in a bit). Some mics require 48 volt DC power. Some do not. Some mics need a specific “gain” as mine does.

Gazintas and Gozattas

Your mic has one port. I connect my shielded and short-as-possible-no longer-than necessary XLR cable to this. This cable goes-outta the mic and goes-inta the amp. A USB cable goes-outta the amp and goes-inta the computer. The USB also powers my amp.

Shield Cables, Electrical Interference, and Amazon Cheap Crap

With out the whole lecture on electromagnetic spectrum and physics, let me jump to the fact that audio cables hate being near power cables, light ballasts, or anything that has current or spinning motors. In the US, electricity cycles at 60 hertz (waves per second). The UK/EU run at 50hz. You will hear this buzz if you foul up and break the rules. Good luck finding it after introducing it. Oh and run your cable anywhere near your mobile phone, wifi node, router, or your laptop charging cable, you sunk your own ship. Game over.

1) Buy high quality shielded cables from a respected A-V vendor (NOT AMAZON). I tend to buy from B&H Computers in Manhattan. The shielding prevents/minimizes external influence on the electrical wave form that carries your voice to the amp.

2) Buy cables of multiple lengths. My 1m cable is perfect for the gantry stand my mic is on. It just reaches the amp on the desk 3 feet-ish below. I have a 2m cable if I have to stand. Even coiling a long cable can create audio issues.

3) Anything that you introduce to these connections may cause problems including cheap crap that swears it is “gold” or what ever. 100% of the audio stuff I bought from Amazon in the early days got tossed in the bin, including small cables, splitters, and other incidentals. Just don’t. Buy once, pay once and work for decades.

4) Most USB cables are cheaply and poorly made. The most common offer no electro-magnetic shielding. When connecting amp to computer, use the best quality and shortest possible USB cable

5) There are fine USB mics on the market. They are intended for plug-n-play managed by the computer’s operating system (Windows, Mac, Linux). I gave up on them a while ago due to auto-gain, and issues with using a mic that expects to go direct to a computer but needs to live on an amp. The USB route substitutes poor tech to make it “simple” for user.

Mic Isolation

When recording I have my keyboard and mouse at hand. I need ’em both. I have to advance my script (mouse) and I have to control recording (start = * | stop = space-bar). I shuffle my feet. I fidget my ass on the hard chair. I am human.

My mic is mounted to a stud in my office wall like a lamp. They can go on a floor stand. I just don’t have sufficient room. If on the floor, you run risks of floor noises being picked up. A small carpet helps as does a elastic cage that holds the mic. These further isolate the mic from vibrations.

My Mic

I use an Shure SM7B mic.

There’s a lot I love about this mic, and a few things I don’t. I love that this is a low-gain mic. Sounds horrible, right? No! It does not pick up sounds beyond a narrow physical range. No dog farts and flushing toilets, although it does pick up my mobile (which I forget to mute). This mic requires an amplifier that can boost the sound by +60dB, a feature available on a lot of good amps.

I sound good on this mic. With a bit of tuning on my DAW, I now do NOT have to trim out breath sounds. With the mic at left side cheek/lip, it doesn’t pick up nose sounds (yeah, you’ll learn to blow and clear your nose before recording). This mic has a deeper richer sound than others I tried.

Downside? I have a problem with plosives. Plosives are a popping sound you hear with “t”, “p” and “b”. I’ve tried 2 windscreens and the big fuzzy cover (dead cat like) that comes with it. For listeners with in-ear speakers, it can be annoying.

I have a standard singers/stage mic. I am less well matched to that. I love them on stages or if I have to fun stuff with microphone proximity dynamics (think: rappers). When recording books, I am not trying to toss my voice to the back of an auditorium, which is where this mic excels.

The Cans

You want honest and complete sound in your headset. Do NOT use noise reduction headsets. They will lie to you. And unless you have expensive custom “ear monitors” that you’ll see singers use, let me suggest over-the-ear monitor headsets.

You need to isolate the whole ear from other sounds (blowing heat, AC from a room away, spousal footfalls). You also want to avoid the crap that Bluetooth and other wireless tech introduces to the sound. In ear “ear buds” and related also strive to “improve” the sound you hear by using audio filters. You need to hear those sounds to clean them up.

I bought Sony Dynamic Stereo headphones MDR-7506. I immediately bought another pair.

1. They are comfortable. Pros wear these for full 8 hour and longer work days.

2. They have a good interface for the 0.5mm (mini) jack and the standard audio jack. The adapter screws securely in place. No rattling, no annoying interference.

As mentioned I have both ears fully covered when editing. I expose my right hear when recording due to the milliseconds it takes my voice to travel from mouth to mic to amp (to computer, back to amp, the to monitor).

Yes, I owned and used Bose Noise Reduction (NR) Headsets for over twenty years. I thought they’d be good for this job. No. Again, there is added tech that “wishes” to improve the quality of the sound you hear. That’s now the NR tech works. NR works by having its own mic that samples ambient sounds then transmits a similar but interfering wave (physics is cool). Yes, it deadens the sound of an airplane and the rumble of a train.

Amplifier

The Shure SM7B does not require phantom power, but it does require +60dB of amplification (gain). Most $100 amps can’t do this well. I bough the “Volt 1” instead of the Cloudlifter CL-1. One YouTube I’ve seen the Cloudlifter on the SM7B and it sounds grand.

I went with the Volt1 for the following reasons:

1. It fits well on my desk

2. It has knobs and twiddly bits. Knobs make things look like a real tool.

3. I can adjust between direct-monitor and host monitor with a switch. Although I often forget.

4. I can adjust the gain by hand although it is pegged at max for this mic

5. I can adjust the monitor volume in my headset.

6. While it has phantom power, I don’t need it, but I wanted that feature just in case

7. It is powered by the USB cable from the computer. I don’t need to track a separate power cord.

The Volt 1 does require software to be installed on the computer so that the computer understand this input. But once done, you can use this mic and setup on zoom calls. You’ll either be the coolest kid or the geekiest in the little Brady-Bunch tiles.

Digital Audio Workstation (DAW)

I strongly recommend Reaper this comes after a decade-plus on Adobe’s Audition. I poop on Audition and Adobe in a bit.

1. Reaper, while subscription, is an annual fee of $60 for personal use.

2. Reaper includes amazing tools and filters that now save me 25%-50% of my effort while editing

3. Reaper is so often used for voice-over work and such that following the ACX rules come with a few set-n-forget knobs in the software.

4. The interface is intuitive if you have some experience with audio editing or audio editing within a video editing suite (like Canva).

5. Reaper runs under Linux, Windows and Macs. I am actively trying to divorce myself from Microsoft operating system and Office.

Reaper is profession level audio software used at all level in the industry and for all sorts of purposes. We, authors recording books, will use the most streamline, plainest, boringest setups. It kinda expect you to be a 20 year old singer-song writer. You’ll say: Nope, Nope, No, Turn that off, clear that.

I am going to put out a supplemental article on configuring Reaper for voice-over/narration work. There are some very fine videos that are easy to find. Those guys are WAY better than I. My approach will be more prescriptive based on my experience. I don’t have their experience, but I am set up for the stack listed above (Single track, voice-over, SM7B, Volt1)

ACX – The Rules

There are jargony terms below. I have a general understanding, but I walk a narrow path too chicken to stray. If you foul up, the site where audio is uploaded (Ingram, Amazon, etc) will vomit on your shoes.

The rules are here:

https://help.acx.com/s/article/what-are-the-acx-audio-submission-requirements

I’ll show all rules at the end of this section. All of the rules matter. Here is my summary for my setup between Reaper and ACX:

Every chapter, intro, outro, section break is a separate file

In Reaper you record the book in 1 project (call it a file, but kinda wrong-ish). Each chapter is a Region. I color code them. When “Rendering” (creating output file(s)), you identify which Regions to incorporate. My novel has 26 chapters, including intro,outro, etc. I will get 26 files. See illustration below, the region says “26”.

2 Seconds Tip and Tail

The rule says between 1 and 5 second of silence (“room tone”) at the beginning and end of each chapter (file). I go with 2 because it is between 1 and 5 (duh). 2 seconds is 2000 milliseconds. You’ll see in the illustration that Reaper lets me add “Pad start/end with silence: 2000 ms”

Done and save with project. Remember for next project.

Sample Rate, Format, Mono

While I don’t see it on the current set of ACX guidelines the little note tapes to my monitor says:

• Sample Rate: 44100 hz

• Channel: Mono

• Format: MP3

• Bit Rate: 192kbps

Note the illustration. Each of these has a corresponding setting in the software. Easy.

Also observe that the filenames can include the project name (book) and region name (chapter title and number). Huge savings of time that!

Volume Settings

This is the most technical. I’ve watched videos on this and remain novice.

The important thing is that you want all chapters at same volume and to sound the same. Rule: “Audio sound must be consistent”. If you record each chapter to a separate file, it is really tough to get this consistency (Premiere terrible at this). When you record each chapter as a region, then Reaper can compare all volume levels across all chapter levels and provide better results.

In the illustration, I set

• Normalization: RMS-1, -20.00dB (rule: between -23dB and -18dB)

• Brickwall Limit: Peak -3.00dB (rule: Peak levels below -3dB)

As for “floor noise,” I use a filter in Reaper for that. Mine is more like -35db. See next article.

Lifted from that site (saving you a click):

• Audio sound must be consistent: Your audiobook should be consistent in sound and formatting. This includes audio levels, tone, noise level, spacing, and pronunciation. Consistent audio makes for a better listening experience and can lead to good reviews and better sales.

• There are no extra sounds: Make sure each file is free of extra sounds like plosives, microphone pops, mouse clicks, excessive mouth noise, and outtakes. These sounds distract listeners and can lead to bad reviews.

• Files are in either mono or stereo: All files must be in the same channel format (all mono or all stereo). Mixed formats will cause errors.

• Volume is between -23dB and -18dB RMS: Each file needs to fall between the specific volume range of -23dB and -18dB RMS for consistent volume.

• Root Mean Square (RMS) is a way to measure the average value of an audio signal. By keeping all files within this range, listeners won’t have to constantly adjust the volume of their playback device. Visit Mastering Audiobooks with Alex the Audio Scientist to learn more.

• Peak levels are less than -3dB: Each file must have peak values no higher than -3dB to avoid distortion. By leaving this headroom you’ll reduce the possibility of distortion, which can seriously reduce the quality of the listening experience. This headroom is also needed to ensure the files are successfully encoded.

• Click here for an article from the “Alex the Audio Scientist” series on peak level and how it can be controlled during the mastering process.

• Noise floor is less than -60dB RMS: Each file must have a noise floor no higher than -60dB RMS to avoid background noise distractions.

• Keep room tone less than 5 seconds: We recommend between 1 and 5 seconds of room tone at the beginning and end of each file for an ideal listening experience. Room tone spacing must not exceed 5 seconds

  ---

I.M. Aiken

Author & narrator

• “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” (2024)

• “Stolen Mountain” (2025)

• “Trowbridge Dispatch” - fictional short stories/podcast

• “Captain Henry: 2½ Insurrections, 2 Wars, 1¼ Centuries, and a story of Love” (2026)

follow along at

• TrowbridgeDispatch.IamAiken.com

• IamAiken.org

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While at a writer’s workshop this weekend, I was approached by a new-to-writing author asking if my writing is “sophisticated,” a search term I yearn for. I had recently come from the stage having made our audience laugh.

I wonder if these two experiences come from the same place. On Saturday, while at the workshop I responded to a ’Stack note from @caehawksmooredits about the term “commercial fiction”

While at this event, I heard agents and others discuss both “genre fiction” and “commercial fiction” as nearly equivalent terms. As they provided their coaching from the stage, I felt a bit left out. I seem to have failed at 100% the suggestions made by agents. Frankly, I would not make those suggestions to fellow writers (psst, don’t listen to me).

During my moment on stage, I admitted that my techniques for developing tension are drawn more from music and poetry. I stated that I have more poetry books on my desk than any other types of books. While listening to Beethoven 7^th Symphony, I am regarding the lovely dandelion puffs as illustrated on the cover of Leslie Williams’ “Success of the Seed Plants.”

My education and upbringing are unusual given I was raised by a successful novelist whose father also supported himself as a novelist. They both worked in the news media for a while. This history spans over 100 years.

I understand that I learned a craft at the knee of a master who learned at the knee of his father and thus back to 1920. Yet, my education and efforts slammed against my dyslexia. I scraped by way through university with a 2.65/4.0 GPA. My GPA was as high as it was because I could tell a story (and I discovered spell check on a 1982 IBM PC). I’ve had to admit that my training came as a story teller, more than a writer.

The phrase from the computer industry is: “Garbage in, garbage out.” To turn that phrase around, one might explore what has inspired great writers and great writing. Regardless of your dot on a map, culture and language of our family, be voracious. Be child-like (even dog like) in exploration: smell it, touch it, taste it, and if you hate it, shit on it or spit it out. Even in the rejection, you’re better off.

Input matters!

Good Coaching

Wanna write well? Read well. Ralph Waldo Emerson said as much in his essay “The American Scholar”

(https://la.utexas.edu/users/hcleaver/330T/350kPEEEmersonAmerSchTable.pdf).

In this essay, Emerson eschews the fad, embraces diversity in scope, and warns of myopia. And for the younger reader, please accept that Emerson transcends the use of the terms “man” and “men” to mean “us”, we morals. Avoid being the bookworm, find your path, and broaden your influences.

Fair to say that our experiences as readers/listeners manifests in our storytelling.

The corollary to this axiom is read deeply and boldly. Later, return to books you love. I hadn’t seen Emerson’s essay two decades, likely since before going to Iraq in 2005 for a year. Yet, in my pocket, I carried poetry by Longfellow folded inside my copy of the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution.

Our literary history spans millennia. We may still be telling stories that our human ancestors told 30- maybe 40-thousand years ago. To provide a proof statement, regard the night sky, find the Seven Sisters, often called Pleiades in European-based cultures, Subaru to the Japanese, al-Thurayya in Arabic. The same or similar versions of a Seven Sisters story can be found in Africa, Asia, ancient North America for tens of thousands of years. One might think that the stories travelled with ancient humans as they migrated out of Africa when the planet looked differently from today’s configuration.

Unlike the advice of agents present at this workshop, stretch your reading, go back hundreds even thousands of years as the starting point: Plato, Homer, Aesop, others. Frankly, I don’t enjoy Homer’s writing as much as others, but those adventures, characters, and conflicts underpin our literature. To expand my enjoyment of the stories, I read/listen to modern variants such as “Circe” by Madeline Miller.

One, or more, of the agents suggested that aspirants provide lists of authors that have guided the author’s art. In saying this, these folks also suggested that this list focus on works of the recent three to five years. They also suggested that this list reflect works within the genre corresponding to the novel. Ugh. As if Homer isn’t a foundational work for Tolkien, etc, ad nauseam.

Stepping back to R.W. Emerson, my old friend and former neighbor (I grew up in an adjoining town), this approach may result in myopia reflecting his criticism of the “bookworm”.

“Hence, the book learned class, who value books, as such; not as related to nature and the human constitution, but as making a sort of Third Estate with the world and the soul….

“Books are the best of things, well used; abused, among the worst. What is the right use? What is the one end, which all means go to effect?”

-Emerson “The American Scholar”

Risks exist when narrowing one’s input criteria within a set of parameters say: a decade and a genre. The aspiring writer will learn the language, tropes, characterizations, and techniques with the same voracity of a A.I. engine spinning through their ill-gotten trove of stolen & copyrighted material. The aspirant will likely fall into the same trap that A.I has already fallen through. You need more and better source material. You need/we need material that spans centuries, genres, authorship, and even languages. We stand on the moment when A.I. can not distinguish A.I. generated text from the artistic efforts of carbon-based life forms (CBLF). Generative A.I. now treats A.I. generated novels with the same (dis)regard it has for actual art. The result is that A.I. reads its own slop only to replicate it further. The challenge for the CBLF artist is to break free of the replicant’s mold. Emerson wrote: “We hear, that we may speak. The Arabian proverb says, “A fig tree, looking on a fig tree, becometh fruitful.” Figs begat figs. I likes me some figs, but not figgin’ slop.

To the aspirant, I suggest that we read well, read variety, and take lessons where you find them: music, movies, serial television, nature and city streets. Discover how writing and music relate. Go explore how Fredrik Backman takes a fictional painting then create a flowing story spanning decades of friendship, loss, and love in the May 2025 novel “My Friends.”

Aside: Backman’s work is both literary fiction and selling well.

I do wish “sophisticated” were a search term for books (derived from Latin for “wise”). It isn’t. Neither is “well written.” As a reader, I don’t give a fig about genre. I want well crafted, lyrical prose that makes me feel something emotional and tells me a mother-lovin’ story I care about (even if men turn to pigs). When I search “literary fiction”, the results display primarily genre, serial, or commercial fiction. While “literary fiction” often contrasts with “commercial fiction”, the on-line search tools for books appears to ignore that element that makes a book “literary” pushing readers towards the more commercial segment of the market. The search category for “literary” hints as “sells well.”

The rumor is that “genre fiction” sells better than “literary fiction.” Therefore, that “literary fiction” doesn’t sell. Therefore to be paid well as a writer, one ought to embed within a genre. Conversely, if one’s genre fiction sells well, the novels magically appear in the literary category. Odd?

I sure have been suckered into authors found under the search term “literary” that I abandoned after a chapter or five because (1) the writing was flat (2) the formula obvious (3) I couldn’t differentiate the characters, then recognized, I didn’t even care to try harder. DNF baby, DNF.

Bad Coaching

1. Write well.

2. Tell great stories with robust, interesting characters.

3. Fuck genre.

We’re at an infection point in publishing, again. The publishing industry I knew as a kid, the one that fed my family and paid for my education, ended a three decades ago.

We’re down to five publishing houses that treat long time, profitable authors like fecal matter. I have a childhood friend with lots o’ books to his name, a beloved movie, TV shows, etc. His long-time publisher, consolidated his last three books into one, informed him (in his 7^th decade) to now pay for his own publicist, and lump it. They effectively cut potential revenue by 66%. They’ve made millions off of his creativity. His thanks: a one-finger wave. Meanwhile, we now (March 2026) have an established “traditional” publisher that decided to capitalize on a self-published book that walked through their internal editorial review, printing, and release before recognizing that the work (or portions of the work) has been generated by silicon-based tools instead of the sweat and effort of a CBLF. A publisher invested and promoted an AI book.

Add to this, an odd diversion publishing took with some odd “justice” ideas. We’re coming through a period of time where publishers told agents and authors that they (publishers) wish to amplify the voices of the unheard and the historically underrepresented. By deploying non-literary criteria for segmenting authors based on absurdist and ill-defined criteria. A practice that with a distant gaze seems just as unjust as past practices.

I judge this to be the industry reducing their influence, not growing it.

In the 1990s and the 2000s, publishing had to respond to internet technology. What we see as publishing today retooled less than 30 years ago in response to the internet. Today’s publishing industry, its practices, trends, and such is a 21^st Century industry. It’s connection to its own 20th Century heritage remains only in trademarks, logos, and past titles they still sell. The rest: gone.

Publishing as we knew it in the 20^th Century started only in the late 1800s and early 1900s. The publishing industry known to my father survived a scant century.

19^th Century publishing was as chaotic as today’s mess. For example, many of the recognized historical novels came out as serial publications in newspapers and magazines. Many novels were published by authors funding the process themselves. Bookstores published books.

The publishing industry has no understanding of how to adapt and survive in this century. They are clueless. Thus, they promote the few trends that worked last year to generate revenue this year: genre fiction, commercial fiction, and works that will rapidly be picked up by streaming services hungry for paying subscribers. They drive the highway at top speed using their rear view mirrors to guide them forward. What could possibly go wrong?

What is the constant for the last two millennia? The artist with red blood pumping through arteries and jelly-like brains inside a mildly spherical box balanced upon our axis. Writers write. Painters paint. Musicians music(??). Publishers, retail galleries, and streaming services exists not to promote art but to make profit from our work.

Contemporary artists should recognize that the publishing industry reacts to pressures it barely understands while not looking at emerging trends such as the young author I met this weekend with a typewriter image on her purse. Why does a woman decades younger than I announce her affinity to the typewriter?

We should ask her what publishing look like 50 years from now?

Here’s a set of related rules:

• Readers will read.

• Listeners will listen.

• Stories shall be told when people gather.

Whilst I would prefer to be paid for my creative works, I’ve also recognized that I cannot avoid writing. I cannot avoid consuming stories. And yet, there are books on my mobile that I’ve paid for that I am now prohibited from accessing due to a small lock icon. My effort to expand my library now thwarted by commercial vendors engaged in the pipeline between author and consumer. That’s a fail.

I look upon the discontent of the literary class, as a mere announcement of the fact, that they find themselves not in the state of mind of their fathers, and regret the coming state as untried; as a boy dreads the water before he has learned that he can swim. If there is any period one would desire to be born in, ⎯ is it not the age of Revolution; when the old and the new stand side by side, and admit of being compared; when the energies of all men are searched by fear and by hope; when the historic glories of the old, can be compensated by the rich possibilities of the new era? This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.

I read with joy some of the auspicious signs of the coming days, as they glimmer already through poetry and art, through philosophy and science, through church and state.

-Emerson “The American Scholar”

During the workshop at the weekend, a speaker observed that zero people care about the publisher of a book. We don’t celebrate the publisher nor the agent. We fete the author. Who was Emerson’s publisher? Who published the Bronte sisters? Who represented Mark Twain? Instead we discuss novels by title, author, and influence within a particular context. We quote novels. We sing songs.

Here’s my very bad advice:

• Do your thing.

• Step out and lead if you must.

• Write your story.

The syllogism I now see:

1. Publisher’s use yesterday’s rules to generate today’s revenue;

2. Agents, in selling to publishers, must follow those same rules;

3. Therefore, aspirant writers must then follow the rules established by both publishers and agents.

Riddle me this… Who is leading? Who is innovating? Where shall the next great novel come from? Where is the vision for the future?

The rear-view mirror is the wrong place to look, I should think. In a hall of mirrors, the future will look a lot like last week plus more A.I. slop and reflective artifact.

Reminder from my friend Emerson: “A fig tree, looking on a fig tree, becometh fruitful.” Yet, it yield but figs. Figs all the way down.

One of my tests for a good book is the frequency with which I return to that writing, that author, and that self-same book. Because every time I explore the writing I get something new.

I.M. Aiken

Author & narrator

• “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” (2024)

• “Stolen Mountain” (2025)

• “Trowbridge Dispatch” - fictional short stories/podcast

• “Captain Henry: 2½ Insurrections, 2 Wars, 1¼ Centuries, and a story of Love” (2026)

Follow along at

• TrowbridgeDispatch.IamAiken.com

• IamAiken.org

Leave a comment

A contemporary perspective of American warfare that reminds readers of Hellers’ Catch 22 and Hooker’s M*A*S*H.

NEW NOVEL DUE SEPTEMBER 2026

Centuries and continents apart, two American soldiers deploy in the years after “mission accomplished”—only to discover a land far from peace.

In 1870, five years after the United States defeated rebelling southern states, eighteen-year-old Henry McDonald enlists in the U.S. military. Henry’s sharp shooting and sharper mind while chasing Ku Kluxers in the South earns him the title “Private Trouble”—but real trouble still wreaks havoc in the rebellious Georgia in the form of lynchings, looting, and guerrilla violence.

In 2006, Lieutenant Sam Musgrave serves her second tour in Baghdad, three years after President Bush declared an end to combat operations in Iraq. Proud to represent her country but confounded by her government’s contributions to rising tensions, Sam contemplates the futility of her work all while harboring a risky secret back home—her relationship with Brighid Doran, whose own contemplations in the dusty archives of Springfield, Massachusetts lead her straight to Lieutenant Trouble himself.

At once an evocative love story and a searing indictment of U.S. military policy at home and abroad, CAPTAIN HENRY steps inside the heart of the American soldier, stuck in unwinnable wars and abandoned campaigns.

I.M. Aiken’s 2026 novel CAPTAIN HENRY explores the intersection between the anti-KKK days of the Reconstruction, the Spanish American War, the Iraq War, U.S. Military policy, and current events. It is also a love story between two heroes.

The Dedication

Quoting the manuscript:

I am writing this dedication on the sixth of January 2022, one year after a violent insurrection at the United States Capital. Those in public service, including the military, swear to uphold the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic. This novel is dedicated to all of those who have taken, then upheld, this oath.

• Brian D. Sicknick, Capitol Police

• Jeffery Smith, Metropolitan Police

• Howard S Liebengood, Capitol Police

• Gunther Hashida, Metropolitan Police

• Kyle DeFreytag, Metropolitan Police

The insurrectionists wounded about one hundred and fifty police officers on that January day, fourteen days prior to the inauguration of the next president.

Additionally, I’d like to honor Elizabeth C. MacDonough…

Aiken had no idea that these facts would be controversial in the years that followed.

Keywords for the publisher’s marketing team

Spanish American War, Reconstruction, Civil War, U.S. Army, U.S. Military, U.S. History, Iraq War, Iran War, Posse Comitatus, Literature, Islam, Sunni, Shia, January 6th

Sales Points

• US military special interest/soldier POV

• Timely/educational—outlines the complicated American foreign policy in the Middle East as well as the history of racial violence in the US

• Civil war/Reconstruction era history special interest

• Political meets personal—a love story & a pertinent anti-war novel

• Queer love/Don’t Ask Don’t Tell/LGBTQ+ in military

Author’s Notes

This book will not be (is not) what I expected. It is the book I wrote following 20 years of experience and years of research on my own family.

No doubt when the marketing and publicity team at Catalyst Press get caught up and write a “one-pager”, it will be better than I’ve done. We’ll get a proper cover, ISBN numbers, marketing stuff and all of the things. When done, I’ll replace this page.

The novel follows three main characters and three related themes. Because years ago, I drafted a novel that accidentally foreshadowed 2026.

2026 Issues in CAPTAIN HENRY:

• Posse Comitatus discussions in the news

• The arrest of Don Lemon under anti-KKK laws of the early 1870s

• The present U.S. War with Iran

• The vilification of American heroes and the pardoning of those who harmed/killed them

• Active and aggressive efforts to disenfranchise American voters (paralleling efforts from the 1870s)

• The return of discriminatory rules within the U.S. Department of Defense

• The dreadful experience of knowing that your long military career shall involve one, or two, or three forever wars. I still have one friend (of 30 years) stationed in the Middle East and I can’t help but feel part of me is with her now.

I wrote a novel that I thought would be enjoyed by 3 history buffs and 5 genealogy types.

Audio ISBN: 9781963511802

1. I finished Kate Quinn’s 2026 novel “The Astral Library.”

2. I read a Substack article decrying the failure of Substack because Substack is not censoring content. The writer announced that they wished to deny ’Stack any revenue. To do so, this writer is ceasing efforts to collect revenue for their posts.

3. Senator Markey of Massachusetts posted a video on YouTube called “History of the Lowell Mills Industrial Revolution. This video was created by the National Park Service, funded by our tax dollars, and removed by the present federal administration.

Kate’s ASTRAL LIBRARY explores the importance of free and open access to knowledge and libraries. And to charm me, she tosses in a few proper Anglo Saxon words for which I have recently been censored for using (actually, either my words or my characters or my narrative was censored, I wasn’t told). Instead of investing years in researching some amazing historical heroine, Kate let her soul and fury rage. I should not reduce her fine writing to a trite phrase, but I heard her scream “save our libraries and cease efforts to remove books from shelves.” Yay, team. I stand with you Kate (and your librarian mom).

In The ’Stack article referenced as #2 above, I read that this author decided to deny ’Stack funding by not collecting fees. The criticism is that Substack’s is not censoring articles and creative humans on the site. Substack let an objectionable speaker speak, an troubling writer write.

Substack is not censoring despicable content or despicable people or despicable groups. I concur. I see stuff on Substack that offends me. I also see stuff that thrills me. Additionally, I see more Anglo Saxon utterances and rich use of English here than any other platform. I also like seeing cussing in other languages.

Mute the shit. Simple. Right click on a post, click MUTE. You are NOT censoring. You are deciding what is appropriate for you. I hope that Substack keeps not reporting “muted” back to authors. I’d like to think I don’t care, but I’d struggle to understand why I’d be muted. Then of course, I write with coarse language. I stand behind my queer characters. And oddly, some find the writings of public services and military folks as offense from the git-go. I’d still not like to see the tally of “muted” on my dashboard.

Senator Ed Markey decided to return a censored NPS documentary to the public domain via YouTube. Call this anti-censorship.

To this mix, I should add that I wrote a ’Stack essay a week ago about censorship within American publishers and organizations that host writing contests. That article is: here.

Before proceeding, let me reverse the clock to the period between 1978 and 1982 when I was in high school. I attended a wealthy public school in eastern Massachusetts. WWII ended in 1945 (33 years before my freshman year). During that war and the decades that followed, European refugees found a home in Metro-Boston. My math teacher had been tattooed by the Nazi while she was in a concentration camp. She lived next door to my cousins in a neighboring town. Down the hall from her math class was my history class. That teacher had been raised under Tito in old Yugoslavia. Dinners at my home were a hodgepodge of people, stories of exile, stories of persecution, and stories rich with accents and humor. There was love, and Yiddish and English (and Danish? And Irish). America. We had engineers, artists, astrophysicists, and famous folks at this table. I grew up in a bubbling cauldron. Yay. Yay for me. I can cuss and insult people in at least 5 languages.

Back to history class, my history teacher stood before us one day dressed in a mid-century European costume, opened a book then read aloud loudly with a stage actors skills. He read from one of the most offensive books of the 20^th Century. He read it aloud a few meters down the hall from my math teacher. His struggle (a phrase selected intentionally) included reading from this book to a classroom of students was that something like 40% Jewish. Others were children of Italian immigrants, Irish immigrants, and Armenian immigrants, and others were old timey Boston Blue Bloods.

Given I was a student, I could not know what discussions took place within the school’s management team. I doubt that my teacher did this performance without presenting a plan and presenting the benefits in advance. Imagine a day in 1979 or 1980 meeting with fellow teachers and school leaders suggesting that a full-throated reading from this book was a necessary part of our education. In 2026, I remember this lecture and experience. It informs my life today.

Why would a young teacher whose family fled Yugoslavia (WWII, Communists, Cold War) read from that book? Was he advocating these views? Was he teaching us to listen critically? Was part of the lesson a reminder that these events in our shared history happened and my job as a future adult is to see the risks and help my nation avoid these abhorrent views?

I would prefer this book be available at the library. All libraries. This book changed a continent and resulted in the massacre of 12+ million human being for human. I won’t read it. I likely wouldn’t touch it due to some fear of transference. That book stands as a foundation stone in every human slaughterhouse and detention camp since the late 1930s (including the modern USA). We can’t talk about the history of the holocaust without also discussing the ideas and writings of the architects. To deny the existence of one side of this equation weakens our comprehension of the aftermath. They exist together. Deny one side: we risk denying the other side. Cut the causes of the holocaust from bookshelves then we can start denying the rest of the story. Some may wish to see parallels with our efforts to revise America’s history with slavery and some contemporary writers denying the evils of enslaving humans. This book exists, therefore the holocaust exists.

I am seeing articles in the New York Times that PEN America is using its visibility to support specific political/cultural issues; issues that not all agree with. It occasionally seems some publishing (publishing-adjacent) organizations are using their might to promote political and cultural views as a body that represents us (American writers?). In corporate mission statements, some of these organizations state that they wish to address historic harms; give voice to the unheard. The intent of PEN International, a sister organization, was to foster international literary fellowship among writers that would transcend national and ethnic divides in the wake of World War I. During the decades since my time in Iraq to this day, PEN America can’t find a balance point between promoting certain political view and promoting freedom of expression. Someone at PEN America decided to put the finger (the weight of their members) in support of X and refutation of Y. They did it while I was in Iraq and they did it this recent year too. You never really know what will happen when you touch the balance that Lady Justice holds.

Censorship fails to fit neatly into boxes and Venn Diagrams. “To foster international literary fellowship among writers that would transcend national and ethnic divides” means not segmenting humans based on national and ethnic divides. The precise opposite of the temptation of so many thinkers of this decade. The answer to divisiveness is not more divisiveness. We likely ought not acknowledge and amplify the fracture points. Let artists tell stories with a deliberate blindness. Find truth where it exists, not where you believe it ought to exist.

If we deny access to troubling writing/troubling artists, then we are censoring. If we scream that this (or that) group is be given a voice, must we also diminish the voices of others? Is it that we must suppress the voice of the opposition? The oppressor, the aggressor? Both exist. Picasso was Spanish living in Paris. He painted Guernica which is his telling of a German Nazis bombing a Basque village in 1937. Do we herald this piece even though it was painted by a non-Basque Spaniard? It has been called an inconvenient masterpiece. ^{(footnote 1)} It really isn’t. It is art, painted by a human artist who expressed sympathy and horror.

I do not own a copy of that book my history teacher read from. I will not own a copy. I’d be horrified if someone saw it in my living room while serving lamb during Seder which is oft celebrated in this house. I love Seder. I love being reminded of our separated but shared stories of exodus. My father’s family’s exile from the Scottish Highlands. My mother’s mother’s stories of exile from Ireland during the famine and land theft by others. Lost of uncles, aunts, parents, grandparents of our friends to the camps. I love and hate the stories of our friends whose family walked the Trail of Tears. My surrogate’s grandfather’s stories of being a young Brooklyn Jewish kid time as a tail gunner bombing Germany.

I appreciate Substack for not censoring. I love seeing the work “FUCK” writ large on some graphics. Yay.

I do NOT like all of the content I see. I am not easily offended, but there is some nonsense I just don’t want to hear, don’t want to see.

Guess what, ’Stack has a mute button. I mute folks. I’ll not confess to you what I mute.

I can not simultaneously celebrate the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution while stating that if I see/read/hear some nonsense I don’t approve of that the platform is at fault. No. Instead of yelling: “Shut the fuck up,” I whisper. I click the little button that says: “Not for me now or ever, go away.” Mute.

No, I am not going to punish a publisher who respects free speech. I am not going to ask a publisher/platform to respect my speech while demanding that they attenuate the speech of others.

For social networks, as ’Stack is, we are not protected by the U.S. Constitution. There are corporate overlords who seems to twiddle and diddle with speech. Tiktok is all but owned by Larry Ellison of Oracle and Paramount and Skydance and whatever else he and his son buy this week. Insta/Facebook run within the domain and rules of Zuckerberg. YouTube & Google, a corporate giant, faces frequent complaints of censorship and regulating flow to certain content.

As Senator Markey illustrated, the U.S. Government actively de-censored publicly-funded content.

This particular American once raised a hand and swore to defend the Constitution. Guess what, that means accepting free speech. Accepting free speech is difficult. One of the worst things about free speech is that it must flow to and fro. For me to ask that you accept my right to say my words, I must accept your right to say your words. I may hate your views, or your words. That said, I must defend your right to your shitty, horrible, objectionable opinions. I’ll defend it then mute your nonsense because I can. This same freedom of speech means I am free to not listen, and not read. I got me a mute button.

Substack isn’t failing due to a lack of censorship, it is succeeding because it does not censor. As a reader, I use the mute feature the platform provides each of us. I shall defend your right to say what ever nonsense you want. I can chose to not listen. I can chose to not read. It goes both ways. Either you may complain about the blisters erupting your palm or move your fucking hand off the flame. You pick (not me).

Footnotes

1. Escalona, Alejandro. 75 years of Picasso’s Guernica: An Inconvenient Masterpiece, The Huffington Post, 23 May 2012.

Author

I.M. Aiken (https://IamAiken.org/)

• Author, essayist, & narrator

• “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” (2024)

• “Stolen Mountain” (2025)

• “Trowbridge Dispatch” - fictional short stories/podcast on Substack

While this ’Stack feed is free, my short stories do ask for financial support and thus I do help fund Substack.

Engage! (comments are public, messages are less so)

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This month I am to sit on a panel with other writers [https://westportwriters.org/pitch-and-publish-2026/] to discuss the process of developing tension within a novel. The topic taunts me thus tickling a pleasure point in my brain. Cooking Chicken Tikka Masala yesterday, “tension” lounged around - occasionally coming to the fore. But then of course, the cumin, tomato-y, peppery, sweet smell of Birmingham’s (UK) hometown dish also tickles pleasure points in my brain.

For the length of a year, I have explore various koans about writing:

Can I write a thriller without jeopardy?

Can I write a mystery without a dead body?

Can I write a love story without say, love?

When we pull back all the layers, all the formula, the tropes, and extra noise in story telling, how small can we get? How small can I get? I am asking what is the minimum required to create tension.

I’ll return to parental lessons in a bit because during a week of deep thought about this topic, I do see my father’s hand at work in my current understanding of literary tension.

Before getting there, let’s explore a train wreck in Case #1. Cinematically, this is easy. I recently watched 2023 Idris Elba show about hijacking a train. Oddly, the second train hijacking movie/show I watched during the winter of 2025/2026. Why hijack a train? It isn’t like one can come to an intersection and ‘bang a Louey’ (‘take a left’, in Old Boston Slang). Trains don’t even have steering wheels. Trains go where the tracks go. If you want tension before a train wreck, the camera needs to show us that another train sits on the same set of rails; or the rails fail at the collapsed bridge; or there is propane delivery truck stuck on the rural at-grade crossing. Musical selections for the soundtrack augment the directorial decisions. Me? I might use Mendelssohn, pulling bit of a piece from The Fair Melusina where the percussion section pushes and volume increases. Or his Hebrides piece. A bit of pound-pound-pound enhances the viewer’s understanding of peril. We all know this trick.

For Case #2, you are the passenger in the fourth carriage back from the engine with your noise reduction headsets on listening to Mendelssohn or Andre 3k (closer related that you might expect). Your eyes are closed. Your jaw keeps going slack. You fear drooling down your chin. In the next frame, you shake alert in the midst of screams and darkness laying on your side with the window below you. The luggage from the opposite rack pins you down on the wall and window of the train.

In Case #2, there is no tension. Case #2 is not a thriller. Ok, fair enough, we now have tension as we ask how, what, and where’s the escape. That’s next. Sleeping on a train that goes bang fails all the tests for building tension.

Can you have tension when writing strictly from a first person point of view?

In Case #1, I can picture the spousal unit next to me rubbing hands together and leaning forward. In Case #2, that same spousal human would be actively engaged in sympathetic drooling with a soupçon of snores to complete vignette. Sleep comes easily over in that chair next to me.

Its Mendelssohn that brings me back to dear old dad. He often listened to classical music while writing (so do I which comes with a mix of shame and pride). He played symphonic music after his morning writing sessions (ugh, I f’n write in the mornings too). He used symphonies to teach me the structure of essays (a different topic on a different article).

Now forty years after last seeing him, while in my kitchen, I recognize that his lessons about music included “tension” and storytelling. He may never have known how to recognize a 10mm wrench by feel and sight; he may not have helped me discriminate the sounds an engine makes when starving for fuel, starving for air, or in need of an electric spark.

Of course, it is possible to develop tension from singular point of view. Less likely to have spousal-unit rubbing hands and leaning forward. But that’s ok. Not all tension must cause us to sit edge-of-seat.

For funsies, let’s remove the writer’s ability to shift timelines. For the minute, we’ll call that a cheat. Foreshadowing allows the narrator to peak ahead in the literal, or figurative with allegorical stories. A foreshadow is a time-jump. Think about that. Adjusting time provides a new point of view. Yeah, yeah, all you well-educated writers up on the hip terms: strip the term “point-of-view” back then stand on the literal understanding. Shifting time shifts the point of view. The view changed. As a trick, remove it. Gone. No time shifting for this minimalist example.

It is still possible to generate tension under these constraints.

Yes, of course it is.

It is done in music often. Without tension in music, it falls flat on our ears and fails to tell us a story. It is done in painting. It is done in poetry, in lyrics. It is done in literature too.

In each of us sits a knob, call it the Anxiety Knob. It isn’t a switch, a toggle, or a trigger. It isn’t binary. It rotates like a rheostat, a dial for adjusting volume, a dial for showing us the level of tension.

My job, as author, is to turn that knob up for you. It is also my job to turn it down. I want that knob in my domain.

In my effort to manipulate that Anxiety Knob, I have five senses to control because you, dear reader, have five senses that you routinely experience.

Before the first words are read, the knob ought to be down near zero. The reader has come to listen, or read, my work; to escape. Whatever else may be going on with screeching subway wheels on the tight turn into Harvard Station, the sight of rats at the Kenmore Station, the creeping sense of being late and ill prepared… those are in the domain of the reader. The readers starts with an exhale as they enter my domain. It is a blank page with some ink.

Exhale.

Exhale again. With each slow controlled exhale the Anxiety Knob drops lower and lower.

That last turn into Harvard Station is so very tight and has been since I was a kid, that sound and that curve tells me where I am better than any map. That’s normal. The rat on the track: normal. That distribution of humans on this train is normal because you know what the Red Line ridership looks like in Cambridge. Hello normal. Like, just know that the Blue Line looks and feels is entirely different. And the Green Line with its gradual parade down surface streets passing near the Symphony (BSO), Boston University, and Comm Ave’s arrow-like point toward the western suburbs.

That’s the trick. I need to know how the Blue Line and Red Line differ. I need to know and understand normal in each setting. In a story of Vermont, I want you to experience expertise in our forests.

Here in forest around me, I can (and do) navigate by understanding the neighborhoods. Most of the forests immediately adjacent is mixed hardwood deciduous with most trees younger than a century. During this ice storm, I clearly discriminate beech from ash from maple, from spruce, and white pine through the fog. I see boughs bending under the pressure of accumulating ice just similar to the birches in Frost’s poem.

Normal is the tree bough presenting in their most comfortable aspect. Boughs grow up and out so that the chlorophyll-y green bits can find sunlight. That’s not happening today. The urgent beep-beep-beep just rang from each of the uninterruptible power supplies in my office, and living room. That beep-beep-beep often foreshadows a power failure. That’s a progression: ice, ice on trees, power problems, and power failure.

It starts with the tree boughs accumulating ice.

It starts with one thing diverging from norm.

It takes one minor chord; one shift in the musical exploration of the theme. As composer, you do anything with the percussion section and you have signal intent. You signaled mood. That drum is suddenly louder, suddenly faster, or suddenly gone. Like an elastic band, a tiny pull changes its shape. Like a bough burdened by ice, the out-of-placeness signals “danger” and “risk” (if you’re in the know, else you’d think: pretty.)

The elastic band wants to be floppy, thick, and at ease.

Tree boughs want to wave freely in air.

I shift one thing from normal, and I’ve adjusted the Anxiety Knob. In the novel Stolen Mountain, I describe the classic Vermont mountain village:

While not explored in that novel, there is the sign in front of the church proclaiming “All Welcome.” But I know that many people in those pews have rigid views on the definitions for “marriage”, “love”, “family”, and “faith” that is a bit less welcoming than they think (call back to a prior essay except here we only have extent church in town).

Presently, I am listening a harpsichord piece by Handel. Boring! Where are the dynamics? Oh, right, harpsichord. The rhythm remains static in this piece. I listen wanting the next piece to start now. There is no tension. For those not in the know about the humble harpsichord, it fell out of favor when we humans created metal frames strong enough to support the metal strings and rigidity needed for the piano-forte (Latin for: soft-strong). Piano-forte became the modern piano with dynamics changing pedals. With hands and feet, we can vary the intensity of the strike, sustain a chord, and/or adjust the timbre of a chord.

We need more knobs and twiddle-bits to make stuff work. I need to surprise you. I need to shock you once in a while. Think Haydn’s “Surprise Symphony” (don’t know it? Go listen to it loudly with headsets on and eyes closed, its fun.)

For our dozing train passenger in Case #2 above, we have her on the train. Now remove the headset. Decline the temptation of putting a book in her hand. Don’t engage in conversation. Listen, feel, experience the normal. Describe normal. Then shift one thing out of place. The trees and houses adjacent to the rail line slow down. Why are we slowing down so dramatically when there is no station near by? She is already late and now the train slows?

I just dialed “Anxiety” up a notch.

Walk yourself into a subway station in New York (or metro-Boston). It smells right for a June day. The stairs are disgusting, as they should be. The down escalator is broken, but the two going up move well except there is nobody on then right now. That’s ok, because people go up after a train stops. We all hate that moment appearing at the top of the stairs looking at a massive upward flowing crowd. You say to yourself, “heavy traffic” which ties to late trains/slow trains. It likely means a longer wait. As you walk down the stairs, you grumble to yourself that you’ve just missed a train. You saw the massive pulse of people hit the street then speed away. After questioning the empty escalator, you now see that the people in the station have their backs to the tracks. There are a lot of people there. Suddenly, you think: maybe no train came.

The attentive local would alert. The Spidey-senses tingle. You feel the Anxiety Knob click up. Most of us would return up the stairs. The smart and aware would turn around and get the street like hundreds of others who already fled. In narrative fiction, of course, we must proceed down the stair. FOMO baby.

Here’s the normal that I’ve defined for you. I’ve given you a rhythm and a theme to follow. You hear and sense a moment of stasis. Let me shift that for you. That’s the bedroom with the wardrobe door closed. But there is a wardrobe.

The better painter/composer/poet/novelist I am, the subtler I will be. Why is one set of eyes looking left and over my shoulder when I stand before this canvas. The others in the frame study the body and the knife in the belly. Yet, I see those eyes looking the wrong way. I want to turn. I need to look behind me because that guy is either really wrong (guilty, looking to run) or that guy is really right (spying the murder flee while all the others focus on the one thing they can’t fix).

Start by picking up one thing, move it out of place. Miss the beat. Hit a minor chord.

I would not enter a forest today, although I know dozen of my neighbors are out in their sugar bush. Its sugarin’ season in Vermont. If the temps cool, then more ice will accumulate on trees boughs. The boughs will break without warning. The fall will kill one human while also making another human a widow. If the temps warm, the ice will fracture then the ice will cascade to the snow and human heads below. That sound of clicking ice resembles that snicker and click of giant fantastical ants, bugs, and spiders in movies. That sound tells you that insect mandibles chomp, legs articulate. Hearing that sound in a movie reminds you that we humans are soft fleshy bags of meat. Not often do I think of myself as prey. That sound? Yes, I am defenseless. This is the sound of a southern Vermont forest on the 7^th of March in 2026. While New England families gather sap today, I fear that someone may not move fast enough to avoid that chittering sound that instantly turns the Anxiety Knob to 7.

Once you (author) find this knob and play with it, you need to be deliberate and careful. Respectful. Don’t abuse your poor reader. Thrill them, chill them, tease them: but take them somewhere.

There is a little digression to close on. Hank Green has educated me that humans are fish. Just as my spouse informed me that a bowl of butternut squash with butter and maple syrup is soup. Similar digressions involve asking if a hot dog is a sandwich. That said, I might offer that all chase movies are one. A classic form of tension is the chase. Once you see this, then it is easy to declare that “Moby Dick” and “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” are the same story. Butch and Sundance play the role of the whale. Add “Duel” to that list. Add “Bullitt” to that list. There are rather a few 90+ minute movies that start with a chase.

Dear author: break the mould; use a light touch occasionally. Go ahead and use a heavy touch too. Like fingers and feet on a piano, know, understand, and control the dynamics and volume of your performance.

That’s it.

We have nearly infinite words in English, a wealthy language enriched daily as we all incorporate terms from other languages. But the development of plot and story line rests within a relatively limit set. Dear Old Dad said that there were only 20 plots (he might have been Harvard-educated, but his statistics lacked all rigor). Go on, break the mould, push the boundaries. Whilst many love the crash-bang-boom of a James-Bond-like ending, I get bored there. ‘Cuz I know we’ll find ole James Bond in a new movie after we see Bond fade way while having sex in some odd and exotic way. The beats are the beats, baby.

Change the beat on purpose, with a purpose. Have fun. Challenge yourself. We could take this to the opposite extreme: Can we write a chase seen with no tension? How far can I stretch the rules?

Ice storm update: I just heard a tree explode from my office.

I.M. Aiken

• Author & narrator

• “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” (2024)

• “Stolen Mountain” (2025)

• “Trowbridge Dispatch” - fictional short stories/podcast

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When sending something out via the Internet Protocol, there are several components to the message, technically message packet. The message we send gets wrapped up and packages akin to the way an old style letter did (for any Danes reading, that now requires a subsequent history lesson on how to mail a letter). The package includes: the destination address, the sender’s address, the message, and some cool stuff to verify that the message is intact/complete by doing some simple math called a checksum. If any aspect of the message changes, the checksum wouldn’t remain valid. Kinda like anti-tamper tape on a box. I’ve simplified this which is fine.

One of the fun things that can happen is that a package (a packet, in fact) can get re-packaged with a new source and destination with the original packet encrypted thus obscuring the payload. Cool, but doesn’t really advance my discussion on really horrible, poopy-ass bad days.

Back to really horrible, poopy-ass bad days, it is here that I stand remembering thirty years of brutal travel and missions for various employers. While today’s version of poopy is different that past versions of poopy days. But we all get them.

On these days, I become the packet. Me = Packet

How does a packet transit the internet? Well, it doesn’t. It has no f’n idea where it is going. It has no f’n idea of where-ness at all. A packet is a humble, near-sighted, lonely little body in the world’s most crowded corridors. A packet is like a Rumba vacuum without any intelligence or sensors. It goes down the digital corridor of ethernet wires, fiber optic cables, radio waves, or other media until it bumps into a Thing. The Thing looks at our lonely, moving packet and sees only an address. The Thing knows little more except it know what local addresses are and it know where to send non-local traffic. The Thing doesn’t give actual directions with robust complexity. The thing can’t say, “go down the trail until you see a rock that looks like a bear then turn right; turn left at the bear that looks like a rock.” The Thing says: go left now (for local address) or go straight now (for non-local). Like riding the T’s Red Line without any map. You get on at Alewife, the northern terminus. Your address is Charles Street. At each stop, you get up, walk to the door and ask aloud: is this Charles Street? At exactly one place you’ll get a yes. All other stops offer a no. Without a map, you just ask every time: Is this my stop?” On a subway, or bus, this gets annoying to all humans. On the internet, it’s just the way through.

You travel a route. At the terminus of a route, you ask the Router, “Is this my stop?” If no, you plod on (often at or near the speed of light).

How does this relate?

I used to fly and travel a lot. I prefer to start at or before dawn, before the storms, before the delays. Often, my travel involved spanning continents. Stuff goes wrong: planes fail; cars fail; systems fail. Unlike the Packet, I do know my actual destination, and I can picture it in my head, on a map. I am slightly more human than the packet.

I eventually learned, that human sense of the world was my problem. The big map was my problem. Seeing potential issues was my problem. Like the Geni-Lift technology in Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide, seeing potential and seeing the real world led me to existential frustration.

I had to learn to be a Packet. I had but one destination (at a time). There was only the next destination and I am travelling in a tube of other packets who have other destinations. Honestly, I held my next destination as the only goal. If I can get to the airport, then I am at the airport. At the airport, I ask the airport, how do I get to my plane. I get several answers as I transit the big airport Router.

“Go to B Gates,” once found…

“Go to B12,” once found…

“Go to seat 29F,” once found…

“Go to entry door,” once found… ask for the next destination.

With this vision and mission-limiting discipline, there exists only one destination and only one question: Here? The Routers answer is either “yes”, or some arrow pointing down another corridor.

This has meant sleeping on my backpacks at an empty heliport in Iraq because the Router told me to wait there. This has meant landing in Miami with the Alaskan clothes I wore and no luggage (luggage packets got routed an alternate path).

Sometimes, as I have aged, this life-as-a-packet has served to get me out of bed because my destination was toilet. Once up, I had to have a new destination: shower. Once cleaner, a new destination: clothing. Sure, the day will fall apart. They day may eventually overwhelm me, my resources, my abilities. I know that because I’ve been overwhelmed. I’ve been tapped entirely dry. And I’ve seen my own abilities fail.

But often that one goal, one destination is sufficient to trudge forward. I’ve been a medic (urban and rural), a firefighter, and a member of a U.S. Army division in Iraq. On Tuesday September 11^th, 2001, I was in a windowless room with other government windowless room types. None of us were where we needed to be or ought to be. All of us were stuck with a destination and orders to return “soonest.” That happens. As a human, frustration boils to anger. As a humble packet, you look at the first destination asking if there is a way forward. If not, you lay down your bags, make a nest and sleep (sleep when you can, poo when you see a toilet, and keep 2000 calories on your body).

A few years ago (on my birthday), I pushed the elevator button with a three on it. My destination was written in blue ink on folder with my room key. It said: 324, meaning my destination was the third floor. This packet (me)recognized that without lights and movement in the elevator, my travel to the destination will be delayed. I lay down on the elevator floor with bags under my head and a book in my hand. I had a flashlight, food, water, essential hygiene products and the ability, if needed to camp comfortably in a hotel elevator – because I am a packet.

I am not flying much these days. And happy at home, but stuff do go wrong. I can entirely overwhelm myself by being human. Because I am human.

I can, occasionally, be a better human accepting myself as a packet. Hit one destination and ask “what’s next”. Then, if needed, lay on the floor for a while until finding a corridor there.

Clearly, I am not an internet packet.

I am human. There is that bit inside of me that says: “If any one of us is in the shit, then part of me is in the shit.” Here is me today, safe at home with snow melting on a March morning knowing that some part of me is in the Middle East because some part of me is there. Thirty years ago, I made a friend. We worked together. We played together. Then I got the call where I need to be her reference for clearances. I was fading from that world as she was stepping in. I know her job (or have a very good guess). We occasionally use Signal to say: Hey. The conversation ends there because of laws that we both respect and honor. Twenty-five years of war.

I’ve had a horrible, poopy week (month, six months). I’ve had to crawl down in to my “I am a packet” routine to get dressed, get showered, get calories. Sometimes I simply stall landing on my chair watching TV. But then I get to say: I am not being bombed, hated, shot at, running towards a horrible car wreck, or leaning over another dead body.

Yet, it isn’t entirely true because a tiny part of me remains in a windowless room in a place far away from my snowy mountains.

Stacy from ME, I love you. No, she is not in Maine. That is just how she signs off.

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I.M. Aiken is a Vermont-based novelist exploring the impact public service takes on us.

• “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” – September 2024

• “Stolen Mountain” – October 2025

• “Trowbridge Dispatch – Short stories” – an ongoing series of written and audio stories

• “Captain Henry: 2½ Insurrections, 2 Wars, 1¼ Centuries, and a Story of Love” – September 2026

If you are a writer in The United States and asking the establishment to read/judge/publish your work, then you too have encountered these statements. Maybe you feel heartened and welcomed by these statements, maybe you feel othered when reading these statements. I respect the intent, I’ve grown to despise the language and execution of these statements. I will not publish today’s version of this “antidiscrimination” policy because they are just too easy to find.

In my required cover letter, I wrote:

Sadly, I am a judgy human with opinions and I do discriminate against some individuals and rather a few groups. I strive not to get too judgy based on the common categories such as age, gender, sexual orientation, disability, national origin, ethnic/cultural history, etc. But my discrimination certainly fits in the category of “any other reason.” Progressively, I am of the mindset that evaluating art ought occur behind the same curtain that classical musicians now use during tryouts. Unfair practices existed and still exist. Humans discriminate, as is our nature. Do I pull the curtain back then inventory the various boxes I check? Or do I keep the curtain closed and let judges evaluate the work as it stands?

I wish I hovered above all and felt welcome everywhere and I welcomed all equally. Neither is true. I am just not that good, noble, or perfect. As Popeye says, “I yam what I yam.” If you need to know which of the boxes I tick because they matter to your evaluation process, feel free to ask or provide a list. If you need to know which groups or individuals for whom I hold contempt and vitriol, either ask me or read a respected, trusted, and curated news outlet.

As I wrote about this, I remember an image of a classic New England village. On the north side of the village green stands a 200-year-old white church that states: “All Welcome.” The moveable-type sign gave a quick quote from the minister. You know the thing: a bible reference and something snappy. On the other side of the village green stands another 200-year-old white church with a sign that states: “All Welcome.” To make sure their message allows visitors to discriminate accurately between similar white churches, this second one had a lovely multi-colored flag. Both churches view themselves as “welcoming” and “safe”.

In the Dire Straights song, “Industrial Disease”, there is the line:

Now, I go down to Speaker’s Corner, I’m thunderstruck
They got free speech tourists, police in trucks
Two men say they’re Jesus, one of them must be wrong
There’s a protest singer, he’s singing a protest song

I love that Mark Knopfler, songwriter, accepts the possibility that one (exactly one) of the men maybe Jesus. The line can be understood as profoundly offensive, or absolutely truthful if one holds the belief that Jesus may return.

I wish to stand on that line with Mark Knopfler. I am likely not welcome at one of those churches. Maybe not welcome at either? If one of those two churches is right, then one of them must be wrong.

I find it difficult, in 2026, to stand on Main Street and not discriminate. I’d rather not have hatred in my soul. It isn’t good for me. But I once swore an oath. That oath asks that I uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic. Those who offend the Constitution, offend me. When I learn that Walmart and Amazon systematically underemploys their staff such that avoid paying benefits and push them to federal subsidy programs, I get upset. When I see a five-year old in a blue hat standing in the cold, I get furious.

How is it that I am not to “discriminate on the basis of age, ancestry, disability, family status, gender identity or expression, national origin, race, religion, sex or sexual orientation, or for any other reason”? I was good right up to “any other reason.” Some of my fussiness seems justified.

I know that if I had a quiet conversation a human working at one of these publishers/ agents/ contest hosts, I’d hear: “But that’s not what we mean.” We live and work in this bubble where our words matter. If a phrase isn’t what you mean, then you failed at writing a clear statement. I get to demand that rules mean rules. Oh, right the “Value Statement” is a rule.

How does a “Value Statement” become a rule? You include a penalty for violation as it written here: “We also reserve the right to deplatform writers if we learn they have broken our values elsewhere.”

Therefore, in this scree I am boldly, proudly and loudly stating that I discriminate. My decisions on discrimination land comfortably in the “for any other reason” category. Frankly, I used to discriminate against red hats. Not all red hats because there is that social organization called the Red Hat Society. So, not those red hats. And not the red hat that Nazis persecuted in Norway. Oh, and not the modern red knitted hats now appearing around the globe in support of human rights. Apparently, I discriminate against only some red hats.

That’s the f’n problem with discrimination. Just when you think you can draw a neat box around that group, you find frayed edges and that lovely, crazy, non-linear xxxx (poop) that we humans are. We just don’t fit in boxes well. When you offer hate based on a box or Venn diagram, we all just have to accept that we will be wrong. Humans are messy.

I honestly believe that adults who traffic children for sex are repugnant. That seems like a statement like should be silly and unnecessary.Yet, it is discrimination. I shall discriminate against such folks. Throw misogynists, and corrupt politicians on that pile. I tend to discriminate (even hate) people who offer hatred to groups of people judge others as less-than-human. But then of course, I view them as lacking that core element of humanity, making them less than human in my mind. Oops, rather tautological.

I have proof that one of my ancestors raided an abby at the direction of Henry VIII^th. Probably not cool. I don’t actually have room for shame. I have who travelled to Massachusetts on the Mayflower in 1620. He was 84 years old when he joined the church, meaning he spent his entire adult life as a warrior battling Native Americans in the area where I grew up. Part of my family had their lands stolen and subsequently came to the US as poor refugees who has been outlawed by the English king. My mother’s and father’s side both fought for the United States during the Civil War, but then lived in one of the most racist cities in the Northeast. I can’t judge my own soul on my family’s heritage.

In my house growing up, I had surrogate grandparents who were German Jews, and Boston Irish. I had one uncle who was Korean and one uncle who was the son of a Choctaw chief. My white Boston parents spoke Puerto Rican Spanish at home. And Yiddish slang was the cool way of communicating that teachers and administrators didn’t understand. I’ve been to temple more than a Christian church. One aunt was a happy-clappy-liberal nun who later married and raised a family. One cousin on the other side of the family is a Catholic priest who appears to have defended pedophile priests. On that side of the family, they believe the Catholic mass should return to Latin (That side of the family hates me).

I am not alone. I am your basic American mutt. My mother hated Catholic church for stealing her sister at the age of 15. My mother hated the Catholic church for their stance on birth control. Except for the obligatory funeral/wedding, I never once heard-of/saw my mother enter a Christian church in her life. My mother showed that hurt.

Wanna feel hatred? Tell a long time, trusted friend that “no, I am not Christian” then watch that friendship disappear forever. Apparently, I lied to him for not telling him this. Wanna feel hatred, get kicked out of your own family (three times over forty years). Wanna feel hatred, listen to your own brother when he tells you to never contact him again and learn that he told his wife and children that you are dead.

What I can’t tell from these value statements is that if I am “underrepresented” or “marginalized” or not? Do I get the extra points? Or do I get tossed the “represented” and “not marginalized” pile?

Oh, right. “underrepresented” and “marginalized” are attributed assigned to groups. They are tags for Venn diagrams. A funny thing happens when you take group attributes and assign them to individuals. It sounds incredibly cringy and racist. Wanna try it with me?

• You’re Irish, therefore you…

• You’re Jewish, therefore you…

• You’re Black, therefore you…

• You’re Fat, therefore you…

• You’re American, therefore you…

• You’re Autistic, therefore you…

• You’re Disabled, therefore you…

If I am Irish, then I am well represented in the world of writers. It’s like a thing. If Jewish, then you’ve been over-represented in American publishing. None of this shit works. None of it is true.

In short, it is never possible to understand an individual while ascribing attributes from a group-level analysis. Every time we try, we sound just as cringy and wrong as the above statements.

When I read these value statements and statements of discrimination based on antidiscrimination, I wonder how these values factor into the evaluation of our art. Do the evaluators use our names to infer our demographic data? Do the evaluators simply guess about our buckets/tick-boxes from the writing? Or do the evaluators ignore their over-written statements and judge fairly?

If the statements are contradictory and meaningless, then why write them? Why demand participates read them? If the statements are crafted to eliminate participation by stating “We also reserve the right to deplatform writers if we learn they have broken our values elsewhere” then please write rules that work. Ok, publishing your history is just as messy as the rest of our history. Work daily to make today more fair than yesterday. Small goals and yell “Kaizen” when you feel progress made.

Never once has the sign “All Welcome” been 100% accurate. Wishin’ and policy ain’t gonna make it true. Because: human. Loving, confused, mortal humans. I have 64 great-great-great-grandparents, and 128 5x grandparents. That’s messy man, super messy when trying to fit us humans into neat orderly Venn diagrams.

I yam what I yam.

Follow Up / Following Day

I scribbled an email to one of these organizations asking for a specific list of words not permitted. Am I to follow the FCC rules which apparently allows “bitch” and “ass” these days? Or do I fall back on George Carlin’s famous list of 7 words. I find it odd that there are still words forbidden to write or say in English even though they exists in award-winning literature.

[This organization] “does not permit stories that contain explicit sexual content, hate speech, vulgar language, or political advocacy. This includes the four words you mentioned, along with any other language that would be considered inappropriate for a broad, multi-generational readership. We do not follow an FCC-style list of prohibited words, nor do we rely on a specific set of banned terms. Instead, we evaluate language in context and expect entrants to use sound judgment in ensuring their work is appropriate and suitable for a wide audience.”

Gods, I wish I had that sort of judgement where I knew the difference. I write what I hear and I do mean to push a tiny bit. By no means avant garde, just another trades person plying their craft. Interestingly, the email stated that: “If your story can be revised to remove any disqualifying content, you are welcome to submit a revised version.”

Frankly, I am at the point of wondering if the “disqualifying content” is my story telling. Oh well, someone will say over my corpse: “Gee willickers, she wrote well, but never won an award.”

Well golly, darn, shucks. Drat.

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There exists a moment in 2024 when I leaned back in my squeak office chair thinking: “I’m done.” So many “done”s ago though. I don’t want to give you an elevator pitch on this novel. I wrote the dedication on 06 January 2022. I am fairly confident that I had the structure of the novel completed then because that dedication rings through the novel. I doubt I leaned back with a sense of accomplishment on that day, just tears and fears.

We have a deadline! We are me and SaraBelle, editor. The goal is to be ready for “Advance Review Copies” (ARC) by 01 March 2026. This will be another moment when I get to creak my chair back and say: “done”.

Yesterday, I finished the narration and audio editing here on my Vermont hilltop. Before finishing the audio, I got some solid feedback from SaraBelle. I missed a chapter. I had missed the opportunity near Chapter 18 to fully wrap up a sub-plot and put-to-bed a main character. I heard and saw what she pointed to instantly, and yet had failed to see that on my own.

Great editors are awesome. Novelling is teamwork. Let me restate: The best of novelling involves teamwork. I missed! She saw it. I fixed it in two hours with a new chapter 18. Then well reading the manuscript to tape, I recognized chapter 17 became a bit of an orphan. I saved a bit; tossed most; shifted chapters around; breathed; said “Done.” Another meeting with SarahBelle, consensus achieved and back to the mic for me.

SB, as I calls her, indicated that the final chapter need a stronger voice for the main character. A few deletes, a few additions, and a bit of craft. I waited three days, then read that final chapter again. I was a snot factory burning tissues and I must have swallowed some dry-ass cotton wool for I couldn’t breathe well. It is odd to find yourself laughing at your own work. It is even odder to cry at your own writing. It is not a sad story, guys. But when a good love story pulls together, schtuff happens at the eyes and nose.

The episode reminded me of a Kathleen Turner/Michael Douglas movie where Turner, who does write romance is balling (or maybe it was her agent). Oh well. Friggin’ tissues, man.

I record 17, 18, 19, and 20 during a two day effort, leaving me Chapter 21 “The Call” to read to tape. I gave that 12-minute chapter an entire day. It starts thus:

“Is this Brighid Doran?” The voice sounds overtly formal.

“Yes.” I hold my breath.

“My name is Ann Jackson. I am a member of the family support group for Lieutenant Musgrave’s unit.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I had recognized the Texas area code and her name appeared on the digital display. Fact piles on fact. My mouth is dry. My knuckles are turning white while I hold the 1980s-style almond-colored trim-line phone.

“I regret to inform you that Sarah Musgrave has been injured during combat operations. She is receiving the best possible medical care. She is alive.”

“What happened?” But I am not confident that I actually finished that sentence.

There were long sections with my face pulled away from the mic while I muttered: fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I may have punched myself. But hey, when I read the line “I crack”, you will hear my voice crack when you listen to the audiobook. Call it good acting (sure).

Yay. Another “done” added to the stack of “done”s. The audiobook is done. SB is finishing the editing. When we send this to Catalyst Press to publish the ARCs in two weeks, we’ll all get to say: “done” again.

In late spring or early summer, we’ll see the ARCs with the temporary cover. Stack another accomplishment on the growing stack of “done”s. The focus goes into marketing and attending events promoting Captain Henry, promoting last year’s novel “Stolen Mountain”, and working to plug “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” when out there amongst real people and off of my snowy Vermont hill.

There is another set tick marks in September as the audiobook, ebook, and paperback cross the magical pub date.

Even when saying: “done” for the last time, I get the urge to go back.

A friend, a librarian, says she has trouble recommending “The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County” because the word “war” is in it. I used it tongue-in-cheek. I used it in the same spirit as the title “Milagro Bean Field Wars.” Friends have said: “oh this section is a bit long” blah, blah. Que sera, sera, amigos. At some point, a novel is done, finished, bound and on the shelf.

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The answer appears to be “no.” Which is likely wrong, technically wrong, wrong-ish.

I do not identify as disabled, yet I am, in fact, disabled. Placard on the car and all (although the placard is for the spouse, we share it).

Physical Disability

Four months ago, I fell from a building I was building. Not a funny story although I can make people laugh in the telling. I mean it was an undiagnosed case of diverticulitis that basically caused the fall. I was in so much pain; I was impatient, rushing, and acting stupidly. But I had been told repeatedly by my local gastroenterologist that I do NOT have diverticulitis. Therefore, I do not have it. He’s told me I don’t have it since 2008, repeatedly. That aside, the joke in our house with a spouse who has some issues with balance and syncope, “you can not fall from a laying position”. But it was a metal roof and the edge gave way under me. I hung by my fingers for a millisecond knowing I’ve grown too old, too fat and too weak to lift myself to safety. I let go and dropped into a paratrooper’s roll shattering both wrists on the concrete (and the bones around my right eye). Oh and Doctor Belly called this recent week to inform me that I do have diverticulitis because he suddenly agrees with the CT and trauma surgeon from October 11th in Springfield MA.

For four months, I have been unable to bend my wrists and have had limited movement in my hands. I could not rotate my hands. Unlike some recent photos of winter Olympians, my metal fixators were under my skin (invisible except for scars).

Let me inventory things I could not do for the recent four months:

• Wipe myself

• Open doors

• Poor juice

• Hold a glass

• Tie my PJ bottoms (my primary clothing options these days)

• Put on socks

• Brush my hair/wash my hair

• Secure a seat belt in my car

It has been three weeks since the fixators came out. That was the fifth planned medical procedure on my hands. We’re not ruling out more procedures in 2-3 months depending on how physical therapy goes.

I am improving. Kaizen!

My first time driving was a week ago when a medical emergency dictated that I haul spouse to our doc, then to the nearest emergency room. I drove home with one eye on the snowbank and the other wondering where the yellow line is, was, should be. That’s because you don’t fall 15’/4m without getting a lovely traumatic brain injury too. When I get tired, I get swimmy in the head. There is no public transit here, no taxi cabs, no commercial driving services that one can request from a mobile phone. In fact, most places here, the mobile phone doesn’t work. So, I drove. Sub-optimal.

My present disabilities indicate that I should not be driving. It was only two weeks ago I could close a car door. Kaizen!

I am disabled. I never did the bargaining, denial, anger, blah, blah routine. As I told my surgeon when he did a procedure without anesthetic, “I’ve been hurt before.”

Oddly, I do not “identify as disabled”, therefore on this form, I answered “no”. I answered “no”, because I do not identify as disabled.

I have two broken hands (for all practical purposes). And I get stink-eyes when I park at the handicap spot with my Orange Vermont-issued permanent handicap placard on my windshield. Sure, I have a mild limp due to an arthritic knee. The placard belongs to the spouse who has several metabolic and physical issues. But, these people didn’t see me open the heavy door of my car with my feet. They don’t know that if I slip and fall on the ice, it is likely an immediately call to 911 to get me off the ground then transported to my surgeon 90 minutes away. Stink-eye judgers don’t know that I can’t carry more than a few light pounds with my hands. The other day, I carried the jug of milk in a long-handled bag that the clerk place around my head and neck. In order for me to open the car door from the outside, I grab it with two hand then walk backwards pulling the door with the strength of my legs. Yes, I am disabled and I appreciate that some stores make accommodations.

Why Don’t I Identify as Disabled?

As mentioned, not “identifying” as disabled isn’t a reflection of denial. It also isn’t a gut reaction to this modern usage of “identity”. It is because I am human.

I trained as a athlete eventually holding national rank and ratings. I trained with and competed against a lot of Olympians and world-class folk. From a pre-teen age, I trained 5-6 hours per day. I trained through injuries. Sitting in Doctor Belly’s office last week, I looked up at his diplomas. Obviously, I think this guy is an idiot. His failure to diagnose diverticulitis during a 15-year period may be all the proof I need. I could see that Doctor Belly graduated from Harvard as an under-grad in 1978. He was treating me like a gray-hair, fattish, old lady (meaning “idiot”). In 1978, I was training under a recent multi-medal winner at Harvard. Weekly, we ran every step of the Harvard Stadium in a pattern that involved single-step, hopping, stair-skipping and such. When we were done, we ran round the arcade on our hands. We placed our feet on boards with wheels, held ourselves in a pushup, or plank, position then ran at full speed around that circle. Cool. I lived in the same house (dorm) as my father and my uncle.

You learn to accept pain, manage pain, trust pain and differentiate pain. I sometimes laugh at pain.

I am hurt and I am healing. I shall heal. I may never run the stadium again, fine. I didn’t enjoy it in 1978 very much anyway.

Decades later, I “identify” as an athlete. At sixty, I move heavy things easily (normally). I have more control over my body that 99% of people because of my training.

Lifetime Differences

My other disabilities are not recognized nor well supported by the present implementation of the Americans With Disabilities (ADA) Act. I am left handed. I am dyslexic. I am neuro-divergent (neuro-spicy, as I prefer to say) and with nearly 20 years on ambulances and at fire scenes, and a year in Iraq, I’ve got to manage my PTSD with care. I also have mean allergies that include: soy(legumes), nuts, wheat. These allergies really mess with going out to dinner. I HATE being the human asking for special treatment or special orders.

I learned (with adverse consequences while having 2 broken hands) that Hebrew National 100% All Beef Hotdogs now contain soy. Sysco Food Services are now putting soy protein in their 100% all beef patties that they sell to restaurants and institutions. Good bye hotdogs and hamburgers!

I don’t tolerate bright, sparkly lighting. Wanna break me, bring me to a shopping mall in December or a Chuck E. Cheese anytime. I don’t tolerate loud yelly spaces. I don’t tolerate rowdy crowds.

I 100% hate it when a neighbor tells me that they bought me special glutton-free crackers when inviting me to dinner. Oh, but look the glutton-free crackers are made with chick pea flour. Gee, still toxic to my body. In four hours after eating those I will be paying the bill for that kindness. Oh good, they always try to send me home with the stupid uneaten box – which I then toss, of course. The burden returns to me, thanks.

You’ll be so pleased as trying to be inclusive that when I still can’t eat the food or enjoy the space, you are insulted. You’re hurt because you put effort and money towards accommodating me and I rejected that kindness. You are insulted that I ate before joining the dinner party. You are insulted that I picked the white rice and skipped the meat with the luscious thick brown sauce of unknown ingrediants.

“But you eat meat.” I am told. “right, but I don’t know what thickener you used or if you splashed soy sauce.” One drop gets my lips swelling. But I also know that you’ve allowed pork and beef to cross-pollinate in your kitchen and lied to your Jewish friends.

I did it to myself this winter. I got excited by a new meat lover’s pizza from a local food coop. It promised wheat/seed/soy/gluten free. I forgot that “meat lovers” doesn’t mean “meat” anymore. It was some “beyond meat” product invented in a laboratory. This was made with fava beans. I ate a slice here at home. Flash-to-bang was four hours. Fava beans are legumes and yes, my body immediately treated that like a frontal assault.

Years ago, the local town clerk offered me a homemade cookie. I asked, “Does it have nuts in it?” She said, “No.” I had already declined three times and I was verging on rude. I accepted one and bit it. Of course, it had nuts in it. My swelling lips told me within a minute. The town clerk then said: “Oh, well I ground them up.” I absolutely hate quitting my day by shovelling benedryl down my throat with two epi pens at an arm’s reach.

These are social disabilities I hate explaining to people. I get angry, frustrated, and at my worst: meltdown. I blame myself for not finding better ways to interact with others. It is my fault.

The kindness of the well intentioned leaves a bitter taste. You are telling me you spent extra money and invested extra time to accommodate my differences and yet resent me when my belly could not tolerate the food and I struggle to explain myself.

Bipedal Accommodations

When asked if I “identify as disabled”, I struggled with the answer. I am different yet solidly a member of the human species. What accommodation do I need for my hands:

• A bidet

• Doors with electric assist

• Doors without round door knobs (can’t grip them, lever style are amazing. I think all round door knobs should disappear)

• Don’t ask me to carry stuff around: no backpacks, no tote bags.

• Please don’t judge how I walk up or down stairs. I can not hold the railings. An elevator is safer and better, thanks.

What accommodations are needed for the “other stuff”?

• Expect me to withdraw from society after a few hours of noise

• Don’t expect good behavior from me if the environment turns into the mosh-pit of my youth.

I am disabled but do not have mobility challenges. Oddly, that confuses people.

Even when I heal and I am no longer “disabled”, I will still be me with challenges in loud, crazy environments. I will still need to prepare my own food and likely eat from my own bento box with real diary cheese and real meat sausages, safe starches, and cooked veggies. I will growl loudly if you observe that I, again, ordered a piece of meat with no sauces and a side of a plain baked potato or plain white rice.

McDonalds’ French fries have flour on them. Wendys does not. Most/many commercial potato chips have soy. Most commercial frozen breakfast hashbrowns include soy oil. Most chocolate has soy lecithin. I love chocolate. Can’t eat it without great care. In public, my sides dishes are baked potato, white rice, or a safe veg (with no sauce, no lovely almond slivers, no legumes, no soy).

Allergies are not disabilities in the classic definition.

That said, I am more constrained by diet than my poorly functioning and healing hands.

People do not intend to offend when they criticize my food. Yet, when you eliminate everything with soy, legumes, nuts, and wheat/gluten, there is still a diet to sustain. It looks odd. I buy two lambs a year from a friend, often raise or buy a pig for the freezer. I get ducks locally and locally raised chickens. Salads are fine, but dressings are not, nor are the croutons.

Identify as Disabled

I do not identify as disabled when I am in my own kitchen, and my own house because in general, I am not disabled. Yes, I have poorly functioning hands and can’t wipe my own ass (yet). The answer is a bidet in every bathroom, thank you.

The problems appear at the intersection of me and you. If I tell you I am disabled, you will bust a gut to “accommodate” me. But you likely won’t listen to me and won’t understand me. You’ll buy the horrible tasting, overly expensive substitute foods that makes you feel better without knowing that I am still not going to eat that nibble because of my own experience. I don’t like being sick (especially if you don’t have a bidet).

You will need to prove your inclusiveness and state it. I still feel excluded. I am still other.

“These are the special crackers for Christina”, you’ll announce to the room. Sometimes I get the special dinner plate. Might as well put candles on it and have a kazoo parade for me. I hate it. Stop it. That noise is about you, not me.

When in hospital for 11 days last autumn, following my fall, I ate steamed chicken and white rice 22 times (lunch and dinner). I had 22 purple popsicles. And I had 10 scrambled eggs. How do I tell the hospital that soy bacon is not the healthy option they think it is? Or was it soy sausage? Regardless, I got the necessary calories and sustained.

My modern understanding of disability is that disabilities are within context. I am not disabled at home. I can cook, eat, pee, poo, sleep, and work with great comfort and joy. I am 100% disabled when looking at a round doorknob on a big heavy door. I’ll try like hell but often end up standing like a lost pup or pounding loud enough to get help from inside.

I am at no risk of needing an epi pen and benedryl when I cook my own food which is full flavored, unctuous, healthy, varied, and good. I am often scared when sitting at a stranger’s table. An IgE moderated allergy to soy means epi pens and antihistamines. Your food, your lie, your failure to attend to ingredient lists could kill me or at least completely ruin my night and the following day. Am I disabled because I need accommodation? Ok, so these allergies are a disability.

But my disability exists at that moment. On my own, I am able to do what is necessary. Of course, I think a bidet is necessary in a public handicapped toilet. I used a pubic handicapped toilet this week where the paper dispenser was too low that is required more hand mobility than I could muster. The paper was tight against the roll. I gave up and used the wet wipes in my pockets.

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I.M. Aiken, novelist

• The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County

• Stolen Mountain

• Trowbridge Dispatch (series of short stories available as podcast

We can lock the door and deter theft of our Work in Progress.

Read More: https://www.stealingisntinnovation.com/

Stealing Isn’t Innovation phrase and image are attributed to humanartistrycampaign.com

How?

1. Use encrypted email (encrypts en route and at rest). Email tends to travel in plain plain text easily read by humans and machines. If you and your colleagues both encrypt, then email cannot be read/intercepted/used for AI while transiting the internet.

2. Use secure storage in the EU and under GDPR -- yes, North Americans can take advantage of this law! Good law.

3. Stop using free storage tools: Google, Apple, Adobe, Microsoft,Drop

4. Stop using default, common, and paid-for storage tools: Google, Apple, Adobe, Microsoft,Drop

5. Break free of Microsoft Word

In short, if you are not paying for a service, then it is you and your work that is being monetized. Check the super small print!

If you do pay for services, make sure that you and your products are not monitored or monetized. US has no regulations that prevent tech firms from loading your work into large language models. The EU does with GDPR.

Making these changes are annoying and require effort. I have found these solutions, in fact, cheaper in every way.

I am not offering a consultancy to my fellow artists, but I am a geek. A goodly dose of geek is required. What follows is an outline of my path.

Degree of Difficulty

If you have to lookup “DNS”, then ask for help on these steps. And be willing to offer something in return. It is work with some risks.

Email

• Setup a temporary Proton email (good competitors exists, research and pick one)

• Buy a corporate/business account because an author is a small business. I love my editors, publicists, publisher, and all!

• Confirm I own my domain (a bit of tech magic with DNS Text record) with Proton.

• Migrate my author domain (IamAiken.com) to Proton email setting up MX, SPF, DKIM, and DMARC.

• Add author email (and your collaborators)

  

• Tweak and setup email

Share Drive & Backup

I’ve grown to rely on Microsoft’s OneDrive. It is so seamless. But what I call secure isn’t what Microsoft calls secure. Large Language Models need to eat too. I just don’t have to be on the platter.

• Proton has a secure drive called Proton Drive.

• It can be as seamless and easy as OneDrive.

• Keeps my desktop synced with a remove drive: YAY!!

• Will not (yet) sync with Linux Mint Laptop: UGH!

Sharing between Linux Mint and desktop is done with a lovely product called Syncthing. Whatever is in my Proton Drive is also synced with my laptop. Someone will solve that problem better. I sync my Proton “Drive” (folders) with my laptop. It does it locally, no cloud involved. That same “drive” is synced with Proton encrypted and secured.

Bonus Item

Ignore the hemostat! That is an encrypted thumb drive secured with a code (lock, type numbers, hit lock again stick in USB port). A great way to store passwords and encryption keys and recovery codes.

why hemostat?

I should have cropped the photo. 3 months with 2 broken wrists, it help me retrieve my credit cards from my wallet (that, of course, has an RFID interferring Faraday matrix).

Cancelled Subscriptions

Go figure, I was paying for both a Microsoft and Google account for my novelling activities. Call that $50/month for what? Oh, right storing and sharing documents need with publisher, publicist, editors, friends, and beta readers. I may also have be paying for the privilege of having my drafts and scribbling gobbled up for AI nonsense.

I also entirely ditched Adobe. That was costing me $200+/month. I replaced Audition with Reaper for $60/year and found a nice PDF tool for $60/year.

Scolded

I got scolded this week by Microsoft. It did NOT want to store files on my “P-Drive” (Proton). It informed me my intended action was unsafe and I ought to protect myself by using OneDrive for its security and ability to backup my work. “Are you sure you want to continue without backups?” (Liar!!) Guess what that “P-Drive” folder is automatically encrypted and backup to 2 locations: laptop and my Proton drive snug under privacy laws the US seems to be unable to pass.

More on Why

Windows 11 is now actively surveilling activities on computers. They are tracking keystrokes and taking snapshots of screens. these then get sent to Microsoft as fodder for their AI engines. They are asking how can they be more helpful in our lives. This feature is called “Recall” and part of Windows 11 Copilot+. While able to turn it off, it is on by default and maybe the sort of thing they turn on during updates/patches. We install virus detecting software to prevent these activities from “bad actors” but permit it with Microsoft? Hummmm…

Adobe got very aggressive in the recent year offering their AI nonsense to legit artists doing their work. What are their AI engine fueled on? Obviously, their own user base.

While I did migrate my laptop to Linux Mint, I have not yet been brave enough to do the same with my desktop. I’ll get there, I hope.

Conclusion

In my early manuscripts I would mail CDs to a trusted friend for safekeeping and backups. Clumsy and awkward, but I had a manuscript locked in a lawyer’s safe. My father, a novelist, would run to the nearest copy shop to Xerox what he typed on his IBM Selectric. I am not going back to these days! But I have committed to making my work-in-progress as safe as possible.

I can’t prevent Big Tech from returning often to their Russian repositories of stolen and copyrighted materials. We’ve heard tech industry leaders inform us that paying for intellectual property rights would be too expensive for them.

Fuckin’ slop man. All generative AI is theft. Let’s do what we can to lock the door and put up a few fences. It’s what we’d do at our homes and cars.

Let’s resist.

I.M. Aiken

I.M. Aiken, novelist

• The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County

• Stolen Mountain

• Trowbridge Dispatch (series of short stories available as podcast

Adventures in Publishing: Catalyst Press newsletter

The bi-monthly narrative-style newsletter of Catalyst Press, Flare Books/Flare Kids, and Powers Squared Publishing, recounting stories about our books, our authors, and ourselves. Our website is www.catalystpress.org.

By Jessica Powers

We are authors. Still book club, right? Instead of plots, characters, and wine; it was marketing and engagement with readers.

As Catalyst press encouraged that we each consider ourselves Artisan Authors (ISBN: 9781965478651) by Johnny Truant .

Jessica stated, “I just want to read this entire book to you.” Which may have been ok, had she hosted the meeting with a more stable internet connection. A few members of the book club expressed concerns that once upon finding a market, that they would feel obliged, or stuck?, within a genre, setting, or suite of characters. One South African author stated she wanted to write next about cowboys which caused me to laugh. I turned away from the camera politely. How could I explain the humor I felt with her statements?

I’ll explain it to her and thus to MA Kelly. I had spent my Friday afternoon practicing reading Chapter 4 of “Captain Henry: 2½ Insurrections, 2 Wars, 1¼ Centuries + a Story of Love.” For all the world, it reads like a scene from a cowboy movies with steam trains, horses, and guns. On the surface, I tend to write about the experiences of soldiers, medics, firefighters. Frankly, I employ my words to tell stories of the internal legacy of being a public servant: PTSD, injuries, illnesses, separation from family/friends, fear, exhaustion, and community. I too had the thought how will “my” readers take this. Yup, the next chapter I record incorporates classic cowboy motifs.

Instead of announcing that I too put my foot on the stirrups, I recounted a YouTube video by Rick Beato

where in he challenges listeners to identify a guitar player from a single note. I’ll bet that readers can identify authors from a single sentence. We each have distinctive phrasing, tone, vocabulary, cadence, and timbre. While, I agree that readers invest in characters and their lives (come on Patrick Rothfuss, you got me hooked), it is the writing that I ultimately love. I re-read Ken Follet’s “Eye of the Needle”/“Storm Island” just as often as I re-read the Kingsbridge books. It’s Ken’s writing and storytelling that I love.

Within “Eye of the Needle”, Ken discussed how a telegrapher has a fist, the then slang term for the identifiable patterns a telegrapher has when sending messages. It is like hearing someone’s voice. In WWII intelligence, the Allies could not just replace a German spy with a Brit. They would be sussed out quickly. The Allies had to learn to keep that voice consistent.

The message to my fellow authors attending our international book club on Saturday 10JAN2026 is that when we write authentically, our fist, our voice sings through.

Why did I give over a third of a novel to cowboy motifs, because my ancestor Captain Henry was a buck private in 1872 patrolling the southern states and arresting insurrectionists, KKK members, and others who were violently and aggressively torturing, lynching, and disposing American citizens of their rights. It was at this moment following the Civil Rights Act of 1866, that southern politicians tired of having the U.S. Army patrolling communities then arresting people. These politicians said “enough,” and passed a law that prohibits the use of the United States military for domestic law enforcement. That law, “Posse Commitatus” is still the law and often mentioned in civil discourse.

The author is still me. My fist, my tone, my vocabulary, my timbre are in ever sentence I write.

As my publisher and Johnny B. Truant encourage readers and critics will find me regardless of setting.

How did I do on Beato’s quiz? Meh! I knew who to expect Jimi, Mark Knopfler, EC, Page, Peter Frampton. I missed David Gilmour which frustrated me because I listened to “The Wall” very loudly 2 weeks ago when a surgeon pulled 2 metal pins from my right wrist. One note is tough!

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I.M. Aiken is the author of 2 novels and a growing pile of short stories.

“The Little Ambulance War of Winchester County”

“Stolen Mountain”

“Trowbridge Dispatch”, a series of short stories that can be found anywhere podcasts are found or on substack

While meant as a joke, I say I can’t even pick my own nose. But let that tiny frustration stand-in for all things I cannot do during morning and evening ablutions. I can’t drive. I can’t fasten my own seatbelt. I can’t open most doors. And yet, I still sometimes get the stink eye from people watching us park in handicap spots.

This brings me to the topic of this post: dictation software. This is the third time that I have used Dragon natural speaking during the last 30 years. I’ve had other injuries, and I have striven to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome. The efforts never last very long because my fingers type as fast as my brain writes. Both of those activities happen faster than I can dictate while also saying aloud the various punctuation and commands statements that format a manuscript such as this.

Dictation software, like a cane, a crutch, glasses, hearing aids, mobility scooter, prosthetic limbs, or a wheelchair is simply an augmentation that allows us humans to take care of ourselves and the world around us. It appears that modern dictation software has failed to recognize its role in supporting people with disabilities.

Dictation software is distinct from voice-to-text utilities found in so many apps and devices. Dictation software is intended to produce professional level, well-formatted text with appropriate grammar. The largest commercial markets for dictation software is in the legal and medical space where notes are often transcribed. That said, folks with limited agility in their hands may be the third strongest market. The point is the software needs to be “ADA” compliant. ADA is the Americans With Disabilities Act. While ADA does not govern software, there are published national and international standards called WCAG that bridges this narrow gap. WCAG provides specifications for font size, color contrasts, and other accessibility issues.

What struck me when installing Dragon natural speaking again, now for the third time, I was frustrated by the user interface. There is a floating doobly-do as the primary user interface. When you start dictating, the interface disappears.

Folks with two good working hands would click outside of their word processor to get the doobly-do visible again. For those of us with no working hands, were awkwardly working hands controlling the dictation software required more dexterity than I would expect (or could do). The knobs and twiddily bits for Dragon natural speaking do allow for some modification of the software it seems like they removed features, detuned the software, and completely forgot their space as a tool that supports disabled folks trying to work out a modern desk.

The first time I installed Dragon speaking a few decades ago, I had to spend hours training the software on my speech patterns, word choices, & spelling preferences. I suppose a lot of that was the software training me to speak more clearly, unnaturally slow, and say the words for the various punctuation as I “write”.

One might think without spending hours of training the software and yourself, the software would be better, simpler, & faster. It is not. As long as I speak American English with no discernible accent, and distinct boundaries to each word spoken, Dragon understands most of what I’m saying. The time training made the experience better in the old days. my own dictation voice is more stilted than the worst text to voice utility I use on my mobile phone: flat intonation, no cadence, robotic.

Dictation software is now competing, or incorporating, generative AI features into the tool set. As an author with two novels out, 2 in the publishing pipeline, and more to write, I feel the impinging threat of generative AI. I wish not to use AI because all generative AI is theft. All generative AI is theft because in order to predict the next word in a phrase the AI engines perform better if they have ingested all written works of all time (substitute “images” or “photographs” as needed for visual generative AI).

Most most modern speech to text tools promote their use generative AI as a benefit. This makes the assumption that the author dictating a novel of her own creation needs generative AI to fix words, finish a sentence, and punctuate a manuscript.

The day is here where I am not given the choice to train dictation software, because possibly the investment is made on having AI do the hard work instead of the author. I can easily picture the day when a medical transcriptionist is typing the literal words of the medical practitioner into a report well AI is “helping” with the selection of words and phrases. Or a legal practitioner reading the transcription of a deposition and seeing words in print that were never said at the deposition table. This seems like a space where AI should not have a role. Medical notes depositions and court transcripts only have legal value if they accurately represent the words spoken.

It seems intuitive that speech-to-text and dictation software should be the same, but this author would argue it is not. I wish to state at all times that my writing is free of generative AI. I wish that to be a guarantee, and yet as dictation software and word processors incorporate more AI-like features this promise may be hard to hold because I don’t know (I may not know).

I am a snob with mild puritanical hints in my belief structure. By this I mean, I believe in work. You do your own work and reap your own rewards. All generative AI requires large language models absorbing the largest possible data set. With writing, this means all public, private, and copyrighted works. Let me restate that: I am a temporarily disabled snob who writes novels and short stories. While I miss the use of my hands, I should be able to write by dictating using modern tools. It was easier a few years ago, before generative AI became commonplace.

The mental draft of this post was funny and recounted recent weirdness while using dictation software. I guess that’s my next post, huh?

These stories revolve around the characters found in the novels and adventures of my fictitious rescue squad. I intend for the reader to read or listen to the stories slowly and quietly. I don’t think they work when crushing it at a gym. They likely work better during a quiet walk or 20 minutes of contemplation. That’s a writer’s arrogance though, isn’t it.

Audio or Written

I record the audio myself and read it to you. Both of my editors say that my stories work better in the audio form. Frankly, I know I write the stories so that I can read them, as if I were writing scripts. Enjoy either, enjoy both.

Podcast

Due to the nature of Substack’s audio entries, these short stories are also podcasts and can be found anywhere podcasts can be found.

Please Share

This is that bit where I say “Like, subscribe, and click the little bell”, except there is no bell.

Please do share the links with others. There is no chronological or logical order to approach these stories.

The stories in order of released (newest to oldest)

• Mister Lincoln: Veteran of the Korean War (FEB 2026) audio

• Just Another (JAN 2026) audio

• Kahlil’s Wall (DEC 2025) audio

• The Night the Plane Crashed (SEP 2025)

• Murmuration (AUG 2025) audio

• 3 Faces of Raven (AUG 2025) audio

• The Joker (JUL 2025) audio

• First Corn (JUN 2025) audio

• The Curious (JUN 2025) audio

• Rubber Duckies (May 2025) audio

• The Firefighter’s Statue (APR 2025) audio

• When Johnny Goes Marching Away (APR 2025) audio

• Cooking Bacon with Propane (APR 2025) audio

The Name

I am playing on the word “dispatch”. I have spent a lot of years listening to and following instructions from “dispatch.” There is a person behind a suite of computer monitors, telephones, and a microphone telling me to wake my ass up and go do a thing somewhere, now.

“Dispatch” has also been used as the name of small town and regional newspapers: The Columbus Dispatch, St Louis Post-Dispatch, Richmond Times-Dispatch, etc.

Take your pick on the source.

I went to the New England Independent Booksellers Association (NEIBA) conference a week ago. I LOVE this meeting. Books, booksellers, and authors, yay. I had 1 pre-release copy of this year’s novel with me. The cover did not survive the encounter with the pros. That’s okay, because the internal text didn’t survive the last round of editing.

Let’s admit that two lovely editors also argued about the placement and organization of quotes, commas, dashes, dots and all the stuff. We discussed when and how to spell out numbers. I got on my noble horse and paraded about declaring the m-dash to be evil and an ugly reminder of AI-generated nonsense. We also had numerous discussions about a main character’s name. Her name is Sarah Ann Musgrave and goes by Sam. Her wife alternates between Sam and Sarah. The distinction having no real “rule”, but guided by which version of Sam/Sarah is in the mind. Soft, loving, playful, romping wife Sarah. Angular, career military officer who has spent nearly two decades deploying to our endless wars: Sam.

“You’ll drive the readers crazy.”

“Sounds like their in a throuple.”

“Readers need one name to be consistent, else you’ll confuse them.”

I counter this by observing that all of us had nickname, schoolroom names, at-home names, family names and nobody got confused. Diana Gabaldon sure gives Jamie just about a million names, ranks, and such. I never got confused. I do get a bit lost deep in Russian fiction, but those guys take the cake on if-one-name-will-do-use-five.

Editing done.

Internal layout done. Reviewed again.

Feedback from NEIBA to the jacket design team.

Now people can pre-order with a delivery date of or around 23 October 2025.

Why Not Rush to Market?

Editing, Aging, & Maturation

I got an thingy via social media asking why I am delaying the release of written novels given I have three or four completed novels, why delay publication. Why not rush to market, I was asked. The sooner a book is out, the more revenue you get. I just don’t know of the truth there.

Quality takes time.

Quality requires investment.

Quality requires teamwork.

And frankly, quality takes time resting in a lovely oak cask (or the literary equivalent).

Writing a novel, that effort of sitting at a keyboard typing, appears to be the fractional measure of the effort to publish a good novel. STOLEN MOUNTAIN went through three editors, each with different briefs. One was a story development editor who advised on content. One give it a very robust copyedit. The third did another copyedit and also opted to jump into the various DEI/sensitivity issues.

And over the drafts, author (me) got to tune and revise as the work encountered peers and readers. I just don’t write perfectly in one draft. I’ll bet few others do.

Marketing

Marketing can take a year, certainly budgeting six months is a good idea. My publisher, Catalyst Press, has pushed us with mailing to librarians, booksellers, and other groups. I have written, on spec, at least two articles. We’re submitting for book reviews.

Supporting Articles

One is about my love of audiobooks. The other called “PTSD on the page” where I explore that all of my stories incorporate PTSD (I write about paramedics, EMTs, firefighters, and soldiers). Never in a novel or short story, have I used the phrase PTSD or discuss the syndrome directly.

Outreach

Reaching out to local booksellers and developing a network takes time and effort. I’ve done NEIBA twice now. I’ve toured most of the bookshops in VT and NH and Western MA last fall and will do again this month and next month.

Readers

It takes years to build an audience. First, find them. Second, feed and care for them. Third, respect them and their time.

Book Reviews

Submitting books and audiobooks to reviewers takes time. STOLEN MOUNTAIN takes approximately 13 hours to read (I know I recorded the audiobook). Give the reviewers the courtesy of reviewing something fresh, give them the time it takes to do a proper read and scribble something about your novel.

The answer to “Why not rush to market” is an inquiry about rushing to market. Why rush? Why accept good-enough on an worthy opus. A great novel is not an assignment of 100,000 words due before end-of-term. It is an enduring representation of the author’s best efforts. Why go out there is dog shit on your shoe, mascara dripping from the lash, and spinach on the teeth.

In short, we have a pub-date. We have a novel written a couple of years ago that has been passed from pro to pro making it the best each of us can. No AI, all humans working in a classic team of people doing things together. It feels great being a part of a team.

My father, a writer, bought me a typewriter in 1982 for my coming academic adventures. My friend, a prof at a nearby university, helped me secure IBM PC instead. In 2025 money, I paid over $8K for this first-gen desktop computer. Best money ever.

In recent years, the value of these tools has turned against me. I don’t mean that I am a deluded crank fearing that the tools I use daily allow big-IT to steal my copyrighted work to feed AI engines (Maybe I do feel that way, also).

In this case, I mean that the value of the tools pivoted from passive utility to intrusive source of wrong. Thank you, I make my own wrong. I don’t need “wrong” advice to compound my “wrong” efforts. Wrong plus wrong is just more wrong. Therefore, I expect my rather mature word processing system to help me turn wrong to right.

I spell badly. My use of spoken English lands on the erudite mix of Boston and U.K. That means I occasionally “plough snow with a plow.” I haven’t a clue how to spell grey/gray. Somebody does care though. Just ask editors, publishers, and snooty readers. Whilst my spoken language sounds erudite, the written words are messy, inconsistent, and littered with commas in the wrong places. That’s ok, I rely on word processors as an external fixator. Word processors prop me up.

I have trusted Microsoft to provide me with useful, accurate help. Yes, I started on WordStar, upgraded that a few times, then I landed on WordPerfect. And for intersectionality in life, my first published book was about advanced features in WordPerfect. I remember the days when humans bought books to help us understand technology. I have four such books over my left shoulder in my office, each has my name in it. Historically, I am a fan of tech. In the decades between 1982 and the 2022, word processors have trained me to trust them. A dyslexic using a word processor is no different than a human using a cane on sore-knee days.

Yesterday, when working near the end of a novella, MS Word informed me that I had selected the wrong word for a story that involved human trafficking and wildland fire fighting in Vermont. Word said Some words are similar but are used differently. Yay. I love that clue. I means that I picked the wrong word in the “piqued, peeked, peaked” set. Or maybe, I muddled my “further/farther.” I bricked the “their/there/they’re” trio, yet again.

I tell Word, “I’m on it.” I click on the underlined word. I learned that Word predicted that I was to “put horses in the stream for a proper wash.” Modern firefighters in Vermont tend not to use horses in the forest while fighting a wildland fire. We do use hoses.

I’ve ridden a hose and ridden a horse, both. Yet, not likely to get them confused. Word suggests that I should have had firefighters “roll dirty wet horses.” Which in rural places comes out just a bit off. In short, I am unlikely to roll a horse. I am likely to roll a hose.

With “WFH” being easily understood and easy to define with common internet search tools, I learned that “work from home” is less supported in Word. I wrote “quiet set of consulting positions that I worked from my Vermont home office,” Word suggested that double-check for the right preposition here. It suggested that I change it to “that I worked at at my Vermont home,” which when I say it aloud, does make sense. You need a bit of a pause. It is ugly, no? Any every editor I know would fuss.

In another passage, Word says, A helping verb or main “be” verb may be needed here did. Apparently, I am to take instructions on writing from that sentence. I ignored Word because I believed that “As did Harry, Regina, A1, Robby and all the others on the crew did,” makes no sense at all. Hum..

In my revenue generating career, I design complex software system. Rather good at it too. In that career I have recently been encouraging folks to be just a little bit wrong. A little bit wrong prompts discussion on how to vector towards right. It’s like a discordant sound in a symphony. People spark to it. Our goal when building system is to model good business practices.

Let people hear something off-key. They then leap in with corrections. The trick works. When discovering systems, wrong is simply a variation of right just as cold is a variant of heat (go annoy a physicist with that question). Offer some information that is slightly wrong. If people are attending to your statements, an enthusiastic conversation will follow.

But when driving a “rig” (think: truck), I am rather unlikely to “turn the ring around” (as Word suggests). I’ll agree that “ring” and “rig” include similar letters.

Most kitchen tend to have precisely one table. Word suggests that I replace it with tables.

When I wrote that “Aaron wended north of Harvard Square, I am instructed by Word to write “Aaron ended north of Harvard Square.” There is no comprehension of the writer’s intent. What Word informs me is that using a predictive AI model, most folks would not have used the verb “to wend.” “Wend” is an uncommon verb. Fine. True. I agree, “wend” sounds like “end”. Other than the “w”, the words are not similar. One may argue that “wend” and “end” mean opposite things.

When my narrative described distributing medical gloves, Word disapproved of my description of people “donning” them. Hard to know the difference between Word telling me I am wrong for the use of “donning” or unusual. To test this, I should like to write a sentance were I doff my uniform Let’s see what ye olde Worde thinks about that word “doff.”

When I described that “The New York Yankees creamed Boston,” Word tells me that I ought to have employed the verb “screamed” instead. I admit that screaming does occur when Boston and New York sports teams meet. I doubt MS Word knows that. On that particular July 4th in the 1980s, the Yankees creamed the Red Sox at home.

I regard Microsoft Word as an assistive devices as described within the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). Like a cane on bad-knee days, Word augments my ability to write. Regrettably, in the forty-five years since my first hours on a computer, I have learned to trust good software.

What is this change?

I explore this question as a writer, not as a software designer with 45 years of experience. Yes, Microsoft, Google, Adobe are actively pushing us to save confidential and/or copyrighted material on their services (by that I do mean “the cloud”, but “the cloud” is a stupid term for a server that is owned, controlled, and managed by someone else.) Why push us to save our work on their servers? It makes it easier for them to steal the raw text for their large language models, the data source for predictive AI.

That is the shift in the spelling and grammar checking in Microsoft Word. The shift is “predictive". I predicate my assumption on observations about my writing styles. For IT work, I write technical stuff formally in third person using the past tense. There are four technical books on that shelf behind me with my name in it. Stuff so boring, nobody read it when it was published. When writing fiction, I tend to write first person present tense in a casual, even chatty, manner.

Wanna piss MS Word off, write in first person present tense. I have seen entire pages where the active verb I selected for each sentence earned the dreaded colored underscore. Word has suggested that I selected the wrong verbs in 100% sentences on a page. That is a powerful statement when coming from a tool.

Imagine a day when my cane says, “I’m sorry, those stairs are wrong.” I already hear that message from my knee. I know stairs are tough. I know stairs can hurt a bit. That’s for my knee to tell me, not my cane. That could happen if someone in Big Cane crossed a stick with a rumba. An AI-based walking stick is a horrible idea. I’d operate with an assistive device that gets stuck in corners and uneven surfaces.

Let’s imagine I fix that. Now I have past tense in a present tense paragraph. Word may pause a beat, then tell me my next fixed, then the next item to be fixed. Do I follow the hints to fix it all? I ought to. I am the human operating with a disadvantage. I don’t know the rules well enough to argue. Fine, I’ll go fix it all and do what Word suggests. It is my trusted partner, isn’t it?

The randomness and inconsistency with Word frustrate me. I can learn rules. My fingers have muscle memory for thousands of words. My brain thinks, the fingers execute. I can type words on an ergonomic keyboard that I cannot write with a pen. I don’t T-H-I-N-K words, I type them. Word has been my patient, silent, coach who props me up a bit. It teaches me, well used to teach me. I guess it is still teaching me. Yes, I have to tell it, I like using present tense and first person in formal writing. No, it is not against rules. I have had to write my editors and my publishers now with dumb questions because I can’t find external authority for some of these new “rules.” Over my shoulder is also the “Chicago Manual,” “Strunk & White,” “Eats, Shoots and Leaves.”

Predictive vs Rules

Traditional programmer wrote instruction sets based on rules. A dear friend once said of code, “there is no random code generator in there. 100% of the system’s behavior is driven by your code.” As we explore the early stages of predictive AI, we’re dropping the use of rules leaning more on using AI to predict how a sentance ought to look based on volume of all things ever written by anyone. AI predictions carry no understanding the meaning of words, the feelings that words can evoke. AI predictions simply state that few people would write a sentance involves taking a hose to a stream. Most folks would think of streams and horses. Clearly you can lead a horse to a stream, because that’s been written before.

Rules are hard to understand and hard to program. Instead, if you look at the body of all things written in American English, you can assess how others would have written a sentence. AI-based software will advise on the placement of commas based occurance of commas in other work. Poor little AI has no idea if those rules have been validated by editors, classroom rules, or published style guides. AI-based software involves looking at a volume of other people’s writings and guess at what’s next.

The Contrast

Microsoft Word

I wrote this nonsense in MS Word. On the monitor to my left is the original work complete with Word’s whiny complaints about my writing. In the Word version, I see double underscores. I see dotted underscores. I see a metric about “resume”. This tells me that on resumes, I ought to be precise with numbering. On resumes, I ought to avoid “few,” “some,” “many.” Nice rule. I didn’t know that. Regrettably, not a resume.

An ironic observation is that MS Word highlighted its own phrase for correction and improvement. You clever minx.

Google Chrome

I copied my less-than-perfect prose from Word to Chrome where I am posting it to the Stack of Subs. Here is a screenshot from the editor. In Chrome, my spelling of “plough,” “ok,” “fixator,” and “wildland” are wrong. The camel-case spellings of historic brand names are no longer recognized. Chrome doesn’t like “WordStar” or “WordPerfect.”

Samuel Johnson vs Noah Webster

Two well-intentioned Englishmen had an argument. Noah Webster, after being born a citizen of the United Kingdom, decided that the break between the United States and England created an opportunity to craft an American variant of English with his “blue books” and dictionary. Two centuries later I struggle with their arbitrary decisions. I don’t do that well. But now, the tools I use daily can’t even agree with each other.

Oh well. I’m not given up. I’ll just bitch while writing and hire editors. I can talk with editors. I can listen to editors. That works.

Be sure to run over to my Substack Trowbridge Dispatch for short stories. You may even opt to listen to me read them to you.

Well except when ye olde publisher send the final proofs of novel #2 (STOLEN MOUNTAIN) with just over 2000 corrections. I crumbled with the maturity of a 13-year-old undiagnosed dyslexic looking at yet another assignment handed back by the teacher. Yet again the weight of red ink appears to outweigh the weight of my black ink. I know and understand how a professional team of publisher, author, editors, and etc can get here together. It happens with teams. We each share a little blame, adjust the pub-date then focus on the work-at-hand. Within a day, I find rhythm in the drudge. We got something out of order. We’ll make it right together. Yay for the home team.

The thing is that when I saw 2000+ corrections/errors in the final proof of the novel, I wasn’t a mature author of a certain age, but a frustrated child saying: BUT I TRIED.

I love to write.

I love great stories and great story telling.

But I don’t read the written word well and thank the gods nobody really sees my handwriting. I practice my signature and use a lovely fountain pen as a parlor trick, but if I stray beyond the common: “All the best” or “Enjoy the read”, the message may be a bit of a mess. The title page of a book is not a place get fancy.

Dyslexia is a challenge at times, but manageable. I had to learn to manage it. More on that in a sec. The disadvantage comes when you combine four factors:

1. Dyslexia

2. Left-handedness

3. Gleeking

4. No computers

Dyslexia: sure, my perception of things is slightly different that some others. Oddly, it is also a superpower. I can read well enough to comprehend in a lot of European languages. All y’all go ahead and argue over your spellings and words. They are all the same. Basta! I look at the world stating that all spelling is arbitrary and fixed within narrow temporal boundaries. What was wrong then is right now. What is right now will be wrong in a few years. When you stand back, squint, and see it through my eyes, you’ll see I am right. Ask John McWhorter (he may not actually agree with me, but we’d have a great ole chat about it all. In the end, I’d end up agreeing with him.)

Left-handedness: Not really a disadvantage in most things as long as you were raised after the generations of youths stopped being hit on the knuckles for being sinister (Latin for left-handed). Kids were then told that they were to be dexterous in all things (Latin for right-handed). Left-handedness matters with handwriting. I’m of the group of humans that write from left to right. That means that my left hand must curl around letters that I form. Or I must suspend left hand over newly formed letters. Or I just smear the letters. Both pencil and pen smear making bad writing with atrocious spelling difficult to understand.

Gleeking: I learned the verb gleek on the Green Line in Boston as a youth. I yawned and a woman witness the twin jets of clear, thin saliva that jetted from under my tongue. That, I was told, is a gleek. I had gleeked. I am a gleeker. It is like a gift from the gods to be human and spray like a cobra. This just goes to prove Hank Green right. Humans are fish. Snakes are fish. All of my life, I spray water from under my tongue when I yawn. That spray lands on my homework wrinkling my paper and further disturbing the fragility of my scribbled markings on the page. There is no recovery from that. Paper wrinkles, ink smears, pencil fades, teacher write with red pen on it all.

No Computer: I got my first computer in 1982 [as a person of a certain age can do because they were alive back then]. 1982 was the first year the IBM PC came to the market. By 1984, I got my first “A” grade. Why? I could see my writing. I had a spell checker. I could read my words. I could fix words without making them worse. Know what a left-handed dyslexic student who randomly sprays water from under the tongue can’t do on an assignment? Fix words. Even when I see a mistake, you can’t erase marks that have been dampened. You tear a hole in the paper, there is more smearing. With a computer, you hit whatever version of the print button exists then print the work again, nice and clean. No smudges, no water marks and maybe no errors (hah!)

Before computer, I would try and try and try and try and try. I would start over knowing I could do make it better only to make the same mistakes and yawn yet again. Sometimes I turned in my best effort, sometimes I simply lied and didn’t turn it in.

Not turning work in confused everyone. My parents would swear to my teacher that I sat at the dining table all evening writing. My mother would occasionally provide drafts pulled from the bin. What happened to my homework? I’d say over and over I didn’t finish it.

Which was worse, the lie or the inevitable results of so much red on a page that my original efforts in faded pencil or blotchy pen were incomprehensible. Boy, they tried to help me fix my papers. Some lovely lady in the same small town would pick through each word helping me spell all the stupid words better and more American. My father, a man of a different generation and properly educated, spelt everything correctly always. A nice “u” in honour and a pile of “y”s in bycycle. But for my that classroom I must spell color without a “u”, thank you. A “u” is wrong, always wrong. You get no credit for spelling that word: colour. But down the hall in another classroom, the spelling of that same word was : “coleur”. I learned that the spelling of words depends on the teacher, the classroom and the environment.

The universal answer for spelling in a classroom is to sound it out. No dout that worx for sum. I do remember asking my parents how to spell “stoffice”. I was younger then, learning my times tables. The first answer was the reckless: “sound it out”. Then came the next great suggestion: “look it up”. “Stoffice” can not be found in a dictionary. When frustrated enough, I fussed a bit. My mother listened long enough to ask the follow up question. “Honey, what are you trying to write.”

“I need to know how to spell ‘stoffice’ because I am trying to describe going to the po stoffice.”

When I get 2000 comments in tiny letters in the comment-margin of a 300 page manuscript, I am not a person of a certain age who can roll down a hill still. I am a child who can’t spell “stoffice.” But given I am of a certain age, I know how to push through shit and get shit done. Everyone must know how to clean a toilet, and wash poop from stuff. I certainly can get through 2000 suggestions from a wonderful and helpful editor.

Happy to report there is a rhythm to the work. And that after making sure what we, as a team execute projects in a more logical order (write, edit, layout, white glove, publish), we’ll make it all sing and dance and bring joy. You’ll buy the book and we’ll do it again.

By the way, the release of STOLEN MOUNTAIN will be delayed a few weeks. Hey but the 1000 commas I missed will be in the right places. My odd affinity for hyphenating nouns to compound them will be tamed.

And I may win the argument on how my main character is addressed. Boy that was work for the editor. I admire her tenacity and focus. I could not have done that. Editor is right, technically correct in all measures. She’s clearly the kinda person who sees only A or A+ written in red pen on her papers. Thus, therefore the world needs a lot of her! So do I. I never really saw an A+ written in red ink until I was ready to graduate from university (At least I got one! Another “W.”)

Random Easter Eggs in STOLEN MOUNTAIN

(a note to this editor)

Place Names

You worked hard confirming that none of my place names nor road names or highway names don’t exist in contemporary Vermont. Vermont does not have a Route 1. There is no Trowbridge Vermont nor Snelland nor Haworth. That’s because: fiction. Well more than that. Maybe I tell true stories that masquerade as fiction. Maybe I don’t need my actual neighbors thinking I am a tattletale and a thief of good stories. Put fiction in a fictional place, keep lawyers off my back. I smiled at every comment in which you confirmed my research. Must have been annoying for you. And maybe you thought I was totally stupid for not knowing place names in the region where I was bread-and-buttered.

But while searching for Haworth Vermont, you didn’t find its source. Yeah, so I used the town names around Sherwood Forest in Northern England. Everything else around me is named for either an English town or based on an Algonquin word (except for Florida Mass which is a Spanish word for garden and two was named before Florida joined the U.S.)

U.S. Army

About the Chicago Manual’s efforts to abbreviate the United States without the little dots, that just doesn’t do for me. Sorry CMOS. But you can’t be a manual if you are flexible about stuff and list all the exceptions. If you look at old army belt buckles and saddles, “U.S.” is visible. The army loves stamping “U.S.” on stuff. Even gold buttons. And it is thus in the logo! And since we’re here… let’s first acknowledge that calling anything marked “U.S.” came from Uncle Sam seems obvious. And when talking about U.S. and army stuff, Uncle is can be just plain Uncle (with an initial capital). All the cool kids who have been stuffed into buses, planes, gymnasiums, and handed hundreds of pound of crap with U.S. stamped on it know who Uncle is.

While “US Army” looks damn stupid and totally wrong for obvious reasons (it is wrong). The “US Marine Corps” goes through life without the dots. Which for marines is acceptable. I raised Marine. He thought bootcamp was easy after life at home. He’s pretty good at saying “ooh-rah” and “Us Marine”. (oh, right, thank you for your service and happy birthday every November 10th!)

Sam vs Sarah

Dear Editor, you did pick up on my odd use of Major Sarah Ann Musgraves name. Publicly and professionally, everyone calls her “Sam” from her initials. The same initials my mother had. Nobody called my mother “Sam” but she wrote “SAM” on most things. My Sam prefers to be called “Sam.” Except that her friend, Brighid, calls Sam “Sarah” during more intimate moments. If you hear/read Sarah, there is likely a door or a pillow involved somewhere in the scene. Or maybe I am harkening back to the tender moments in their shared lives. Sam is Sarah during those private and quiet moments.

Editor is amazing. She never missed a “Sarah” and got them all fixed according Chicago Manual. All Sarah’s perfectly aligned and consistent as “Sam”. I couldn’t have done that in the marginalia of a PDF. I would have whined and fussed (because there is still a child in there). There were hundreds of such references. Editor caught them all, by hand, one at a time.

I am bragging that I can even do this shit (write novels and short stories) and that there are people joining me on this silly adventure.

My whine…

I do whine about Adobe and Acrobat. How the hell did any group of developers take a good reliable working product and turn it into such crap. It has become bloated and slow and difficult to work with (because I am impatient and intolerant of crap).

Call to Action

Go buy a book to read or listen too. If it happens to be mine, I appreciate it. You can pre-order STOLEN MOUNTAIN from:

Here are 2 bookstore in VT that would love your business:

Northshire Books

Flying Pig Bookstore

Or Bookshop.org

I’ll publish the links for the audio as soon as.

And of course, my short stories can be found on Substack at

Trowbridge Dispatch